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  #61  
Old 08-25-2005, 03:44 PM
Stickthrower
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Bounce Re: PTSD Homework

Hi Guys,

Just back from a short vacation. Took the family & travel trailer for a four day trip. That was nice, no phone, no interuptions, just fishing & family. It was good to get away and enjoy the wife/kids without timetables & stress.

Then I got reminded of PTSD the strangest way and then it hit hard the things I do to compensate!

We are planning to move to Texas soon as our house sells. Then we will be close to family, new jobs, away from bad memories, etc. We recently bought a 29' Travel trailer to live in while relocating, etc. I also have a big stock trailer to haul all our furniture, etc.

So anyway, my wife has never pulled a trailer before. Our plan was for her to pull the travel trailer with her truck and I will pull the heavier load in the stock trailer.

On the way back she decided to try pulling the trailer for a while to get the feel of it as we were on a long stretch of state highway with little traffic & towns etc. No problem.

Like to have drove me crazy! She is a good driver and I was like a mother-in-law back seat driver!!! She did nothing wrong mind you, as a matter of fact she did wonderful considering I was giving her directions. To her credit she did not throw me out of the truck-just told me to shut up as I was making her nervous.

At first I was mad, then I thought about it for awhile and realized why I was upset/nervous/mad. I was not in control of the situation. I had been out in public for four days and three nights away from my AO in a public campground that had lots of people moving in/out at all hours of the day & night. Where we camped on a small lake at a resort was very near an Air Force Base therefor there were planes taking off/landing frequently and just before we packed up and left a small flight of fast movers came through at almost tree top level. Then it hit me. I had gone back to Nam again and my family was being put at risk.

Now I understand why I would never let anyone else drive my family anywhere for any reason. I always drive the family where ever we are going. The only time I ever let anyone drive me was when I could not prevent it and it made me a nervous wreck.

It is amazing the little things we do that we are unaware of the PTSD reasons behind our "routines" and "little quirks". I challenge each of you to think back about an incident that upset you and particularly look at the whole surrounding incident and not just what mad you angry/upset.
It was an eye opener and gave me plenty of food for thought. I ended up staying up all last night thinking of the things that triggers PTSD for me that I had never thought about or noticed before when I was upset with the family.
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  #62  
Old 08-27-2005, 04:15 PM
Don Dodson Don Dodson is offline
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Re: PTSD Homework

Frank: we will pray that the move to Texas goes well for you and your family. I, too, am surprised sometimes when I think I am "over" being triggered and thump, something drops in and I am mentally hunkered down, again. Then I feel crumby that I let go of God's hand momentarily and slipped back into "my" protection rather than His.

Don "Oboeman" Dodson
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  #63  
Old 08-27-2005, 09:28 PM
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Re: PTSD Homework

Don,
Your right about thinking "we're over being triggered" is when boom it happens. It just surprised me as I had for once seemed to be having a good time with the family relaxing and never even noticed (so I thought) the little "triggers" going off. Thats why it hit me so hard over my wife driving. I had never thought about it, I just always drove as my wife really doesn't like to drive and it is just one of those things that I drive us everywhere.

I was amazing seeing the changes I went through in about a one hour time frame. I mentioned it to my wife later and we discussed it. She said she had not thought about it either, I just always drove and that was the way it was. She noticed the aircraft when my son mentioned the planes and I was telling him about the aircraft and what they were used for. She noticed I seemed to tighten up when the fighters came through but didn't think anything about it at the time as we were busy packing up the trailer. Then while driving the truck with the trailer she noticed I seemed "up tight" and didn't know what was wrong. After I mentioned it to her then she thought back about the incident and said the minute the planes came down close I went into "stress mode" immediately for about 30 seconds then "relaxed" and she thought it was over with and I had it under control. At the time she just thought my son "helping" me get the trailer ready was the issue.

Goes to show that even our spouses have developed the idea "that's just the way he is and he caught himself-It's ok now" without realizing we are going into overdrive just as much as we sometimes don't realize it.

I have been doing alot of thinking about triggers and how it causes me to react. This is scary ground for me. Admitting that I will always have PTSD that I can't control is terrifying to me.

I guess I just need to spend more time on my knees talking to God and letting him keep control of me. He does a much better job anyway.

Best to you and yours, and thanks I needed someone to talk to. Since the Post closed I have no one else other than the site to run things past.
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  #64  
Old 08-28-2005, 04:52 AM
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danausmc danausmc is offline
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Re: PTSD Homework

Frank,
You are so right that just when you think you are past getting set off by some trigger BOOM there it is. It might just be something said and not even require some "event".

Where do you plan to move to in Texas? It sure will be a big change in environment. I'm sure it will all work out for you and your family.
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  #65  
Old 08-28-2005, 08:36 PM
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Re: PTSD Homework

Dana,
I'm not sure exactly where we are going to settle yet. I have family in the Dallas/Fort Worth area as well as in the Hill Country, actually all over TX. I hope to settle in Palo Pinto County as that is where I grew up and it is still a semi rural area. I am really looking forward to the move, so are the wife & kids. My son asks me daily when are we going to move.

Best to you and yours,
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  #66  
Old 08-30-2005, 04:45 PM
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Re: PTSD Homework

I just wanted to say Thank You to all who come on line. Here lately I have been going through a real "PTSD DAYS AND NIGHTS" period. I feel so alone, as most of my "friends" no longer come by, etc. The only friends I have are you guys, which is fine with me as you are the only true friends I ever had to begin with. If we don't cover each other, no one will.

I feel so thankful for Pointman & the church. Without God & brothers, there is nothing. I sometimes get down and then I remind myself- If I had not reached the end of my rope, I would not have been as close to God as I now am! Without Him, I am nothing! It is amazing what having a relationship with Him can do for your attitude!

The most important thing I remind myself of daily is this, "My old friends who never come around were never true friends to begin with!" My real friends are the ones who carried me when I could not see them, who were there for me when I did not look for them, who in reality were the only ones covering my back to begin with, who really are my true brothers and father!

God Bless all of you, for together we will overcome with the help of the Lord!
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  #67  
Old 08-31-2005, 11:47 AM
Reconvic
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Cross Glow Sm Clr Re: PTSD Homework

I was born in NYC lower East side in 1949, the only child and had the best of parents.
I am now dying from Hep.C from the transfusions in the Nam. I ask my self what was kind of person I am.
I was a guitarist and played with many known stars prior to them making it big, Billy Joel, Blue Oyster Cult. I was in the Corps by 17, MOS 0311 I couldn’t go to Nam till I was 18 so I tried for Recon and made it 0321. A proud Marine for sure. When I hit Nam I maybe saw 2 weeks without firefights the entire tour. Now I am still proud was married for 34 years and raised 3 kids and have four grandkids. I see the world changed so much I am not sure I really want any more change; the best part of my life is gone. The NVA I killed was my age or younger and I ask myself why? We are killing ourselves here with gangs, drugs, do we need a war still. I support all our troops because we follow orders that someone safe behind a desk says to do. I can say the VA is trying to help, but the Vets overwhelm the time we need to see them. What has these was Wars changed I guess
Really nothing more then, just a way to keep the population down it seems to me. War is no go for any one.
After all the wars we have had, did we really ever learn anything, or is it all the same just a different enemy. In many ways I am glad I won’t see much more of the future, there is
Not a happy world anymore. Even music changed. The Beatles played songs of love, now the rappers sing of rape, killing. I hope God helps us all
Amen.
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  #68  
Old 08-31-2005, 09:27 PM
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Re: PTSD Homework

RECONVIC,
I'm with you brother. The world has definately changed for the worse. I remember songs of love as you do, now I don't even understand most of the words, but the ones I do are words of hate.

There are no good wars for soldiers, sailors, or marines. I once heard a statement "NO ONE HATES WAR AS MUCH AS THE SOLDIER, FOR HE IS THE ONE DOING ALL THE DYING!" That pretty much says it all. We are forever fighting for something that is usually just more lies. And they wonder why one of the main symptoms of PTSD is distrust of Authority Figures?

Keep it together Brother, we are here for you just as you are here for me. And the most important thing is God is always there for us. All we have to do is call him our Father!

Take care, send me a PM sometime with your number and we can talk.
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  #69  
Old 09-05-2005, 08:51 AM
Don Dodson Don Dodson is offline
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Re: PTSD Homework

Haven't been here very much lately. Glad to see you both, ReconVic and Frank!

It does seem that the world is going to H E doubble L. Our Lord reminded us that until He comes back for us, this is the way it will be going. I take comfort in the fact that He IS going to come back at His good time, and if we check out prior to that, He sends His Angels as the Honor Guard to escort the Believers Home. Someone said it is like knowing how the game is going to turn out, and our side IS going to win; our job is to make each of our few moments count with those around us.

I begin to feel a little PTSD-ish when there are big events like 9-1-1, tsumanis and hurricanes. I think for me it brings back that feeling of not being able to control the circumstances around me. Maybe it is kind of like surfing (although I've actually never tried it and lived in San Diego most of my life): the surfer is totally dependent on the action of the wave and his/her skill in predicting which wave and where in the wave the best ride will happen. If the surfer depends totally on his/her skills (e.g. control) maybe the best ride will be missed, when you are carried farther in on a bigger than the average wave. In other words, when things around us seem to be collapsing, that is exactly the time we must remind ourselves it IS God's world, HE IS in command and control, even when the worst of the worst is happening around us, He will never leave us nor forsake us.

By the way, each time a natural disaster occurs I see it as a reminder that God has created a world that has its own rythmn and power; actually His power set in motion on our little borrowed space ship earth. Whenever humans begin to think they are in control and have tamed that natural God-started energy, whoosh: "Wake up little ones." Our prayers for those caught in Katrina's furry and aftermath.

Hope you've gotten some good rest this Labor Day.

Don "Oboeman" Dodson
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  #70  
Old 09-05-2005, 09:06 PM
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Re: PTSD Homework

Good to hear from you Don. I was beginning to think you and just about everyone else was on vacation. Hasn't been much here lately.

Things are starting to look up for me, thanks to the Lord. I'm feeling much better and seem to be handling things a lot better. I have been getting out alot here lately & working on the home to get it sold. So all in all, I have been having a great day.
My prayers to you and yours,
Frank
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  #71  
Old 09-05-2005, 11:29 PM
chapmic
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Re: PTSD Homework

Hello mi amigo's. Hope all of you had a thoughtful and peaceful Labor Day. Yeah,that control thing is a bear Don. Sometimes it is like trying to turn around a water-buffalo-fast! Can't be done right? Unless of course I drop a mortar rouund next to him! Seriously, the control issues are like intellectual mosquitoes- I swat them and they come back for more. Three times this last week, I swore I needed to "land on the shores" like a good Marine and control things. I am learnin' to "let go let God"--- but surely he needs some ammo right? Like my daughters Lanlord who will not return her deposit and the place she rented could have passed an IG Inspection. My daughter is smart, assertive and capable. Do I really need to surround the Landlords house to get the money back? Of course not- but I feel that way. It seems like we are dyed in the wool "justice and freedom fighters" for life. We just sometimes get that mixed up with survival. Kind of like that wearing of sandals thing. If I wear sandals then I am not in 'control' eh? Silly ain't it?
You know Don, I actually was a surfer. Lived in Mission Beach before joining the Corps. My roomates name was Mike Dodson! Even though the East Coast guys used to call us "Hollywood Marines" I still think that surfing taught me how to adapt swiftly to the power of nature. We all had a great deal of respect for the Ocean and its unpredictability. In my PTS moments I learn to adapt to the "triggers" of PTS like I did the waves at Torrey Pines. It helps.
Heh, Frank I sent you an email. Hope you can help me with some muzzleloader questions. I am going Elk Hunting in November. That helps too!
And RECONVIC, I will be calling you tomorrow. We have a Veterans PTS Retreat coming up in February 06' at the Franciscan Retreat Center in Scottsdale. All of you are welcome. If interested I will send the info. Good night Warriors. Keep the Galaxy safe. Mic
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  #72  
Old 09-06-2005, 05:24 PM
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Re: PTSD Homework

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stickthrower
Good to hear from you Don. I was beginning to think you and just about everyone else was on vacation. Hasn't been much here lately.

Things are starting to look up for me, thanks to the Lord. I'm feeling much better and seem to be handling things a lot better. I have been getting out alot here lately & working on the home to get it sold. So all in all, I have been having a great day.
My prayers to you and yours,
Frank
Hey Frank, glad to see you guys holding down the fort here.
How is the sale of the house going and the move? there are some real good Pointman folks in Texas so you wont be alone. I know its a big place but there is someone close by Im sure.
Dana
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  #73  
Old 09-06-2005, 09:26 PM
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Re: PTSD Homework

Dana,
Things are moving along here. I have gotten most everything done here that can be done until the house is sold. We will leave here just as soon as it closes, believe me! We have bought a 29' 5TH wheel travel trailer to live in while moving and relocating, at least we will not be without a home. It may be a little cramped for a family of four, but I have lived in worse conditions. At least we will be together. We have had lookers but no buyers so far. Have just listed it with a Real Estate Agency as we had been trying to sell it ourselves and was just not getting the media attention we wanted and could afford. Hopefully this will get it sold sooner.

Finally got my retirement out of the State, and that took a big load of stress off. Also my lawsuit over the truck that has been going on for a year has just been settled and I should have the vehicle back in a week or so. Still have heard nothing positive out of the VA yet, but I'm not worried as of yet. I know how they drag their feet and I'm not hurting right now. Maybe later, but for now I'm doing great.

Church has been great here lately. My relationship with the Lord has been of real comfort to me. It has been a long hard journey and I still have a long way to go, but that's ok, I have a great Father walking with me as well as some of the best Pointmen in the world on my side! I am feeling alot better and learning more each day about how to accept the PTSD and not let it be in complete control of me. It is a battle I will always have the same as the rest of my brothers and sisters, but together we will overcome.

Wherever I land I will find a Pointman Outpost and continue the battle!

Chapmic,
Got your e-mail about hunting & sent you a long letter. Feel free to call me with any other questions! Glad to hear things are going your way.
God Bless All
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  #74  
Old 09-08-2005, 11:56 AM
Reconvic
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Cross Glow Sm Clr Re: PTSD Homework

I am back from taking care of my mother in Vegas. I helped her move in a new apartment and helped her unpack. I did lose $1400.00 when she went to sleep:(. My head is screwed on better when I left. Been having many a nightmares of Nam again and don't know why? Mic I never received your call
but if your ever up here again we will touch base. I pray for you all and the horror of Kitrina, America will stand tall. Gas prices in PHX.3.19 for regular.
Semper Fi and God Bless Vic
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  #75  
Old 10-23-2005, 09:34 PM
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Bounce Re: PTSD Homework

Where do I begin?

Lets just say that PTSD slipped up and blindsided me! For the last couple of months things seemed to be finally working out for my family and I. Then things slowed down as we have not got the house sold yet, and we were starting to stress over finances since we are starting to panic about the house not selling. One thing led to another and the wife and I started to fight over the little things, etc. The kids are being a real pain, especially my 13 yo daughter.

My wife was stressing over her own medical problems, let alone mine, and became very irritable, to say the least.

I became depressed again without picking up on triggers/symptoms and began to get angry at my wife over the kids and BS.

Tempers on both sides finally flared on Wednesday night over our daughter being a snot (you know how a 13 yr girl will play parents). Words were exchanged, my wife gave me an ultamadeum of either her or the kids and I chose the kids, and we went without speaking until Friday night.

On Friday night my wife pushed my buttons and you can bet I pushed hers. After two hours of arguing and disagreement it ended with me saying it was over between us!

On Saturday night we were able to talk without yelling and both of us got some of the things said that needed to be said. We were both able to see things through the other persons eyes for a change. It ended so so.

On Sunday my wife did some research on PTSD and found an article written by a Patience H. C. Mason, who is married to a 1966 Viet Nam Vet. My wife began to see herself and her actions/reactions to my PTSD. From what she told me it was frightening to see herself in print, and finally come to an understanding of how it affects the family as a whole. It gave her a new understanding of me, especially hearing it from a spouse that was able to describe her exact feelings/reactions to me/attempts to "help" me, etc.

I did some soul searching, lots of praying, and mostly playing back the past couple of months. I then realized I/We had slipped back into our old "routine" without being aware of it. I had reverted right back to my old self and was defying authority/being angry/getting deeply depressed, and decided to do what comes natural to us. When someone trys to get to close to me, cut and run! I was going to leave my wife because I had let PTSD slip right up on me.

Well thank the Lord for my wife not just saying "Fine, leave me" and instead doing a little homework on her own. Fortunately for me she found Mason's article and recognized herself and how she was responding to me and how I was reacting to her pressure.

Things are now looking better! I am going to stay with my wife, we both appoligized to each other, we now had a look at each other through the others eyes, and we are now back to working on putting our life back together!

Thank The Lord!!!

Please put us both in your prayers to have the Lord lend us a supporting hand when we need it. May God be with you all!

PS: I highly recommend reading the article on the internet "HOW DOES PTSD AFFECT FAMILIES" by Patience H.C. Mason.
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  #76  
Old 10-27-2005, 01:21 AM
Don Dodson Don Dodson is offline
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Re: PTSD Homework

Frank:

What a great tip to find Patience H. C. Mason! Here is the link I Googled: http://www.woundedinaction.org/artic...ptsdaffect.htm

I become more convinced that PTSD is the ultimate ambush event. When something begins to rock the boat of life, those of us with it immediately start jumping overboard! "Cut & run." For you it is the uncertainty of your finances with the delay in the house sale. For me, as you know, it was last Saturday's crash. My loving wife is caring for me and I'm sniping at her ... what s stupid thing to do to the ones who love us!!! I am trying to remember how at peace I felt hanging upside down in my truck cab, unable to get out and fearing post-crash fire. I called out to God to keep me safe, and He did. I remember the time when Jesus was with his Disciples crossing the Sea of Galilee and a fierce storm came up. He was asleep (or so the Gospel writer relates it ... God never sleeps) and the Disciples were becoming frantic, still not realizing Who was with them. When they woke Him up to tell him they were all dying He calmed the storm and reminded them He was in control ... not them, not us. So it is with PTSD. We let the noisy storm tip us over, trigger our panic and forget: GOD IS IN CHARGE, and God is Love.

Oh Abba Father, calm the storm surrounding Frank and his family, help their 13 yr old see her opportunity to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem; may they know You are present here and now in whatever situation we find our selves. We pray in Your Holy Name. Amen

Don "Oboeman" Dodson
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  #77  
Old 10-30-2005, 06:19 AM
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Re: PTSD Homework

Don,
Thanks for the prayers brother! Lord knows right now that I need them. Things have been a little better & I take each day as it comes. We actually got a contingency contract on the house Friday. If the buyer sells their home-they buy ours. I'm praying for sure.

Now I'm trying to find work to help get our finances in order, but no one seems to be hiring. You know how it is in a small community. I know most of the people in the valley & they know my history and have heard lots of rumors. Everyone seems to be turning their back for their own personal reasons. Oh well, you know how that goes as does all our other brothers & sisters.

But most importantly, I still have faith in the Lord. He will provide on his timeline, not mine. I just need to spend more time on my knees and learn some patience.
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