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  #1  
Old 02-03-2004, 10:06 AM
Shawn Powell
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PTSD Questions

opps

Everyone,

I'm the new guy... have to admit I'm a little apprehensive being a part of this. I read some of the posts here and you guys have been through a lot. Nevertheless, I know there is safety here. I hope I can really share my heart.
Been a Christian since 1985 and thought I was God's right-hand man... a true church "professional." Hussein's Republican Guard and elements of his 45th Infantry Division pretty much humbled me in 1990-1991. What I thought was a solid spiritual foundation was NOTHING. I got back to the states and pretty much have felt like a terd in a punch bowl in church since then. Can't really identify with civilian Christians... everything seems to be A-OK with them in life.
I struggle with severe depression and anxiety... laced with bouts of anger and sleeplessness. This really began to blossum in 95-96 in addition to severe digestive problems. It's been God's Grace that has gotten me this far, he's provided for me and my beautiful family despite my lack of "salt and light."
I've thought about getting involved with Point Man for years now, but it came to a head after my most recent tour in Iraq in 2003 with a light infantry unit from the Oregon Army Guard. What a nightmare. Got back this past summer and immediately fell into a black void... didn't use meds though, bros... probably needed to.
Since I started working again in December after release from active duty, God is keeping me stable. Bottom line is I want to get back to loving Jesus again... could use some insight and prayers.
I would never attempt to put myself on equal ground as you Nam Vets, but the Persian Gulf has been my personal Gesthemene over the last 13 years. Soon we're gonna have more kids getting back from over there and they'll be hurting too, brothers. Hope to hear from someone soon, God Bless.

Screamin Eagles, man...!
Shawn.
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  #2  
Old 02-03-2004, 01:00 PM
Trooper
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PTSD



War is War! PTSD has been tracked back before the Cival War. I personally know WWII, Korean and Persain Gulf Vets that have the same problems.

You stand in a place to reach some of the younger Vets with your testimony, where they might not be reached my us older Vets.

Your Bible says to Comfort others with the Confort youve recived.

If you've recived, you need to share.
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  #3  
Old 02-04-2004, 07:11 AM
Shawn Powell
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Roger, Jack-

War is war. But how do you deal with attending church? I'm so pissed at the alloofness that permeates what is supposed to be the Body of Christ. It seems the majority of the American church has lost its identity. The hurting are never attended to... it exists only to "grow," and be nothing more than a social club. It gets all shifty and nervous when it has to deal with somenones emotional problems like anger and depression. It withdraws from those who have substance abuse problems... they...we get left out in the cold with a trite "Be warmed and filled" type of response. The Bible says the "Common man heard Him (Jesus) gladly." The church doesn't offer Jesus... it can't touch the prostitutes and walking wounded because it just cannot identify with it... with US!
This ENFURIATES ME! That's why I need you guys... I want to touch the hurting, but it seems it will only happen as a "Lone Ranger" apart from organized church... at the same time, I long for the communion of like-minded believers. I know Jesus will complete the good work He began in me, but the last 13 years have been ONE BAD WALK IN THE WILDERNESS, bro.
You know what I see being with you guys? I see Christians who truly are wounded healers... Christians who truly walk with a limp... just like Jacob did after God thrashed his hip. Brother, these are the people that through Jesus impact their community, right?
Look, I don't know what I'm trying to get at... I honestly feel in my heart that time is short... I want all that the Lord has for me and you for the remainder of the time we have on earth. God Bless you guys.
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Old 02-04-2004, 07:59 AM
Trooper
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The Church



As a Pastor I agree about the lukewarm or cold church of today. But I don't agree that all is lost. I have found the truth of the Word as it says your healing springs forth when you Give out to others.

My solution is to get involved with reaching others, through missionary outreaches, drug and alcohol ministries. As I quoted before, Comfort those with the Comfort you've recived.

Getting Involved with others takes your mind off of "the poor me syndrome."

if you can't find a ministry, find a small group of strong Godly men in your church that heave simmalar skills and intrests and start a ministry, under the Pastors Oversight of course.
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  #5  
Old 02-04-2004, 07:05 PM
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Re: The Church

Quote:
Originally posted by Trooper


As a Pastor I agree about the lukewarm or cold church of today. But I don't agree that all is lost. I have found the truth of the Word as it says your healing springs forth when you Give out to others.

My solution is to get involved with reaching others, through missionary outreaches, drug and alcohol ministries. As I quoted before, Comfort those with the Comfort you've recived.

Getting Involved with others takes your mind off of "the poor me syndrome."

if you can't find a ministry, find a small group of strong Godly men in your church that heave simmalar skills and intrests and start a ministry, under the Pastors Oversight of course.
Sound advice Jack. Dont hurt to be under the cover of the local Pastor, but many times the local guy is real territorial and gets real antsy about protecting his sheep. Most churches I see and visit say nice job, but since it did not start here, it probably wont work. So have a nice life...
This is probably the single biggest complaint I hear...and hear all the time about the church.
My Pastor says the church of today dose not have enough power to knok over a Seven Eleven. I must say that is probably true.
So it is up to us to step up and become that light so others can see Jesus.
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  #6  
Old 02-04-2004, 07:19 PM
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Shawn

Hey brother,
My boys name is Sean too.
Anyway,
Your PTSD questions...
do you remember the picture that was in Time and all the other news magazines with the trooper greiving over the body of his friend from bootcamp, during the Gulf War?
Kid lived across the street from me. Now he is in South Buffalo in a two room apartment by himself.
His dad did 30 years in the Army and is a Viet Vet.
Now thirteen years later , same house , but this time a new kid is on his way to the Gulf and Iraq.
four other kids on my street went to Gulf War One. None of them are married. everyone of them acts like what they did , did not compare to Vietnam. War is war.
Same stuff, different day. Still hurts. Somehow, society has convinced these kids that since they got a parade, they should just suck it up and have no problems. ( by the way, no parade for any of these kids).
What concerns me is how many Gulf vets are finally coming out, because of the current war and not dealing with their own stuff at the time.
Shawn, please know you are very welcome here and please accept my most profound thanks for your service to our Country.
Doing what is right is becoming less popular every day,
so dont hesitate to jump in anywhere here.
You are welcome to ask any question and there is always someone to answer.
Might not be immediate, but someone is here.
Dana
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  #7  
Old 02-05-2004, 07:33 AM
Shawn Powell
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Dana,

Thanks man... again I'm grateful for the opportunity to be part of this. Yes, I think the majority of the Gulf boys have tried to "suck it up" over the last decade. Hell, they handed out medals like they were candy and authorized an "early out" for us as soon as we got back stateside... honestly I don't think we knew what hit us until several years later. Then of course there's the guilt... those Marines that got hit in Kahfji... fought bravely and really kicked ass, also lost some boys in that LAV friendly-fire engagement. Too, the 24th ID got into some heavy duty stuff on day one of the ground offensive... your neighbor was part of that unit, Dana. 101st and 82nd got some arty and small arms fire thrown at us at As Salman, Cobra and the Euphrates River valley but those Iraqi boys didn't have much fight in them. After getting pounded from the air during the previous month, they were coming out of their holes with thumbs up yelling "Bush! Bush!" When God told Paul "My Grace is sufficient for you" do you think He was stating that "Look, I know how much you can take... it's my Grace and Mercy that has gotten you through all this thus far, it's my Grace and Mercy that will take you the rest of the way."?
I don't know Dana, this is stuff the church doesn't like to hear... they just wink at it. But thank you for the encouragement and prayers as well... I know I am among brothers, thank you Jesus.

Lou,

Thanks for the note... welcome home to you too, bro. What unit was your boy in during the first go-around? Please tell him God Bless him and thank you for his service. Indiana's not a bad outfit, we ran into elements from one of their battalions in both Kuwait and southern Iraq. One of their company's secured Talil airfield in May-June 03. Not bad leadership for a guard unit. I just ask for your prayers Lou, not too proud to ask for them! I got a buddy that I work with here at the Border Patrol... John Putnam. Nam vet with 101st and 1st ID... I love him alot but have difficulty sharing anything about the Lord with him. He just don't wanna hear it. God Bless, Lou!
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Old 02-05-2004, 08:36 AM
Trooper
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Re: Re: The Church

Quote:
Originally posted by Danausmc
Sound advice Jack. Dont hurt to be under the cover of the local Pastor, but many times the local guy is real territorial and gets real antsy about protecting his sheep. Most churches I see and visit say nice job, but since it did not start here, it probably wont work. So have a nice life...
This is probably the single biggest complaint I hear...and hear all the time about the church.
My Pastor says the church of today dose not have enough power to knok over a Seven Eleven. I must say that is probably true.
So it is up to us to step up and become that light so others can see Jesus.


Dana I fully agree, and I told Shawn as much. But there are a FEW of us Pastors that understand and welcome the help in doing God's work. The pastors i've found most receptive were VETS themselves.
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  #9  
Old 02-06-2004, 07:17 AM
usmc26th
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shawn Powell
Dana,

Thanks man... again I'm grateful for the opportunity to be part of this. Yes, I think the majority of the Gulf boys have tried to "suck it up" over the last decade. Hell, they handed out medals like they were candy and authorized an "early out" for us as soon as we got back stateside... honestly I don't think we knew what hit us until several years later. Then of course there's the guilt... those Marines that got hit in Kahfji... fought bravely and really kicked ass, also lost some boys in that LAV friendly-fire engagement. Too, the 24th ID got into some heavy duty stuff on day one of the ground offensive... your neighbor was part of that unit, Dana. 101st and 82nd got some arty and small arms fire thrown at us at As Salman, Cobra and the Euphrates River valley but those Iraqi boys didn't have much fight in them. After getting pounded from the air during the previous month, they were coming out of their holes with thumbs up yelling "Bush! Bush!" When God told Paul "My Grace is sufficient for you" do you think He was stating that "Look, I know how much you can take... it's my Grace and Mercy that has gotten you through all this thus far, it's my Grace and Mercy that will take you the rest of the way."?
I don't know Dana, this is stuff the church doesn't like to hear... they just wink at it. But thank you for the encouragement and prayers as well... I know I am among brothers, thank you Jesus.

Lou,

Thanks for the note... welcome home to you too, bro. What unit was your boy in during the first go-around? Please tell him God Bless him and thank you for his service. Indiana's not a bad outfit, we ran into elements from one of their battalions in both Kuwait and southern Iraq. One of their company's secured Talil airfield in May-June 03. Not bad leadership for a guard unit. I just ask for your prayers Lou, not too proud to ask for them! I got a buddy that I work with here at the Border Patrol... John Putnam. Nam vet with 101st and 1st ID... I love him alot but have difficulty sharing anything about the Lord with him. He just don't wanna hear it. God Bless, Lou!

Idon't the unit he was with, but he was a mechinac in a signal co. They left Germany to go to the sand box. He drove a wrecker there with the name PROBLEM CHILD on the front, thats all I can tell ya. This time hes with the Ohio guard, Hes there head medic, when he got out, he went to school and became a LPN. They're training in Ind.

I was like the guy you work with intill about 10 years ago when I let God into my life. What meant help [worked with me and leader for me with others] is plant the seed, and just back off, be a friend and be there for him in times of need and stay on your chistian walk, [not pushing chistian in is face] By him seeing what God is doing for you mite get him thinking. Like I said it worked for me. Just my thoughts, everyone is different, and what worked for me mite not work on him.
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  #10  
Old 02-13-2004, 08:11 AM
snowyowl
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Welcome aboard Shawn,
I've had issues with the "Civilian" Christians since the '70s and I wasn't in the SEA wargames. I grew up in the Air Force here and in the Orient during that time frame. I just felt closer to God while I was in the service and unless the congregation was "stacked with military families" I felt out of place.
That's what I have appreciated about Pointman Ministries.
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  #11  
Old 02-13-2004, 11:19 AM
Shawn Powell
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Quote:
Originally posted by snowyowl
Welcome aboard Shawn,
I've had issues with the "Civilian" Christians since the '70s and I wasn't in the SEA wargames. I grew up in the Air Force here and in the Orient during that time frame. I just felt closer to God while I was in the service and unless the congregation was "stacked with military families" I felt out of place.
That's what I have appreciated about Pointman Ministries.
Thanks... I'm finding that being able to access this site and gain input from brothers is making it more easy to "suck it up" when I'm in church. I've been reminded of the importance and practicality of the life application of scripture as opposed knowing the Christian cliche verses. The latter didn't help me when the caca hit the fan, so to speak.

God Bless.
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  #12  
Old 02-16-2004, 10:07 PM
Shawn Powell
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Men,

I've been reading the posts on various subjects. I realize the need to be able to meditate on what is being said and shared before posting a reply. I'm finding out a post should be prayerfully considered before launched into cyberspace.
The Lord has really spoken to my heart (in spite of myself) regarding what a priviledge it is to be counted among you guys... I know the wounds here are deep... it is my sincere prayer that God would touch my brothers... usher in a season of peace for all of you.
Forgive my previous posts, they are much too ME centered... I know when I get burdened and down, you guys will be here to listen to me and provide guidance. But right now, and I believe the Lord wants you all to hear this and gain some encouragement from this... gentlemen, what can I do for YOU?
You all are in my prayers... I believe Jesus for the healing He is doing in all our hearts... but I just wanna let you guys know that you are in my prayers. Thank you for the way you have impacted me in my brief stay here, my wife has noticed a marked difference.
I hope to some extent I can do the same for you in the days/ months/ years ahead. It is truly a blessing to serve you my brothers. (We few... we happy few... we band of brothers....)Shakespeare, Henry V.

Shawn.

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Old 03-15-2004, 11:21 AM
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If I may be so bold. My name is Jeff Dodge. I have been a part of Point Man fir a couple of years now. That is to say, I have shared Point Man with vets I have met along the way. I tried to start an outpost, but found it difficult to organize anything when I don't feel I have myself under control. I do well to talk to vets when I feel like getting out and doing so. I know that may sound selfish, but the fact is that is how I currently feel and I pray I will get better with it.

I too, am a Desert Storm vet. I am currently 50% for PTSD and have recently gone back to the C&P board to try to raise it.
Unlike Shawn, I didn't know the Lord prior to combat. When I returned I had a terrible time. Long story short after serving 11 years on active duty, in 1996 I attempted suicide and left the Army. I didn't find the Lord untill 1999, at the age of 33.

I enjoy church tremendousely, but do realize that I am somehow out of place alot of the time. It seems to me, that alot of church go'ers can't seem to understand how one can trust in the Lord and still be disabled in the upstairs department. For most, if they can't visibly see a disability, then it doesn't really exist. I continue to pray for guidance on a daily basis and continue to look for spots where I might be able to somehow help.
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Old 03-15-2004, 01:05 PM
Trooper
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PTSD



Jeff

Welcome!

I've had the same problems for a lot more years than you have. Just as a lot of our brothers do.

The funny thing is, as a Pastor and as a Mental Health Nurse I can see the Problems your accusers are having.

But, if they recognised the possability of a problem in you, then they'd have to recognize it in themselves. Something about a Log in their own Eye.

Forgive thm, and Pray earnestly for them, For they know not what they do!
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Old 03-15-2004, 02:50 PM
Shawn Powell
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Cross Glow Lg Clr 2

[QUOTE]Originally posted by BORNAGAINVET

I too, am a Desert Storm vet. I am currently 50% for PTSD and have recently gone back to the C&P board to try to raise it.
Unlike Shawn, I didn't know the Lord prior to combat. When I returned I had a terrible time. Long story short after serving 11 years on active duty, in 1996 I attempted suicide and left the Army. I didn't find the Lord untill 1999, at the age of 33.

QUOTE]

Jeff,

Who were you with?

Check out one the other posts re: OIF vets... Marc from Ft Sill got back in NOV. His wife has posted so far... Marc is taking his time. He needs to, I think.

Welcome home & God Bless.

Shawn
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Old 03-17-2004, 11:28 AM
Shawn Powell
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One of those days....

Dana, Trooper, Duff....

You guys out there? Kind of struggling today....

Shawn.
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Old 03-17-2004, 02:32 PM
Trooper
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Covering Fire



Shawn

The Cavalry is here. Don't worry I got your back. Keeping You in My Prayers.

Set your Paryers on "Rock and Roll", Keep your head down and Keep moving, it works better than H&I Fire.
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Old 03-17-2004, 07:14 PM
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Re: One of those days....

Quote:
Originally posted by Shawn Powell
Dana, Trooper, Duff....

You guys out there? Kind of struggling today....

Shawn.

Shawn,
Just got home about an hour ago.
Hope all is well now, you ever get in a jam, dial our 800 number and Lee will talk to you.
800-877-VETS

24/7
He does it by himself, and keeps the cell phone handy.

you can call here too if you need to.

Jack is right, keep your head down and prayers up...you can post away here too and what is on your mind or heart wont seem so insurmountable if you write it down.
You will have to look it in the eye when you do, and you will see that it cant hurt you. Because you have to confront those thoughts to get them out. You let go of them in a post and you will find if you let go, those thoughts wont have such a tight grip on you.

I will pray, and am praying, now that those shackles of the past will finally be broken and you will be free. Thoughts will always sneak up on ya and you have to be vigilant. I wont be back on until 0500 tomorrow morning and then its off to work.

You can e-mail me or post here and I will check in , in the morning.

Dana
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Old 03-17-2004, 09:55 PM
Shawn Powell
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Angeldevil Extraction!!

Dana, Jack...

I'm on the road alot... jail work, book-ins, book-outs, processing illegals for deport. Once I'm moving bodies west, there's time to spend with God or listen to the radio... when I'm down though, it can be a struggle.

Just one of those days when you start thinking no one gives a damn about you. Family as well, maybe you're taken a little for granted. Teenagers doing stoooooopid things, I'm yelling at all of them to count their frigging blessings, their parents are still married and involved in their lives... hell, I sure don't know what that's like! I don't know, there's been some sacrifices made over the last 20 years to hold this family together... how bout a "Thanks Dad." every once in a while.

So here's my pattern again. Get pissed off, yell... regret it and then get depressed, the floodgates open... tried to call the VA for the first time since 96, just gotta do something about this anger, and couldn't get through... awesome. Think about the desert during the first go around and get butterflies. Moses Lake, WA in the summer is hell for me... it's hot and the wind kicks up the sand and I'm looking for Bedouins, baby. I'm a little anxious about Moses Lake in the summer, men. In southern Iraq this time around there's still tons of wreckage left over from 90-91. Saw lots of it north of Az Zubayr, in a sick way you feel you're in your element.

Then I start thinking I should go back over... Washington just mobilized and will be over there soon, they'll need NCO's. I feel like I didn't do enough this time around what with my buddies still over there. It's about belonging, Dana... you guys know what I mean.

The media gets to me, those socialists in
Spain are heroes now for some twisted reason, all they've done is spread their legs for the enemy. You beat terrorism by killing the terrorists, not kissing their ass. There's some AWOL sack of **** from the Florida Army Guard who turned himself in and subsequently calls himself a contientious objector so he doesn't have to go back. Says he won't fight a war for oil. What the f***??!! I remember 11 SEP 01 as the major reason we're sending those little SOB's to see allah or did I miss something?

There's a bunch of pinko bleeding hearts staging a rally in Spokane on Saturday to protest the war in Iraq and Afghanistan... still got buddies over there dodging exploding ragheads and other guerrilla-type attacks. These cowards (from Gonzaga University) want the public to hear their silly opinions... and the media will embrace it wholeheartedly. I may just pay them a visit on Saturday for some 'fellowship.'

Today was one of those days when you hope a smart-ass cholo has something to say to you as you're cuffing him. Am I making any sense, bros? I'm fatigued at this point, just got off shift. It's about 2240 my time... Dana, Jack thanks for the prayers. My heart lept when I saw your posts, thank you dear brothers!

I'll have more to share, I'm sure.

Shawn.
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  #20  
Old 03-18-2004, 02:39 AM
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Morning Shawn

Thanks for posting. I know the same feelings, just puts me in a different place, instead of the sand box.

Im a little late for work this am, but wanted to say we are spritually side by side with you.

See you tonight.
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