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  #41  
Old 12-27-2003, 10:22 AM
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Re: Dana

Quote:
Originally posted by doced
As for me your post's never triggered anything.I'm in a constant vigilante state,and anxiety state to.But I have been like this since 1968.So I have already gone through the suicidal thoughts and all that.My condition now is mostly anxiety and maybe a little paranoia.I spent the time when I was in the seige of Khe Sahn,in prayer.Every rocket or shell that came in sounded like it had my name on it.Just wanted to let you know that anything you have said has been nothing but helpful.

I was re reading your post, Doc and I was thinking about " I have been like this since 68" and "my condition now is" prompts me to think that many of the folks I have met around the country in the last few years at PTSD conferences, some seem to have settled into a "that is the way it is style" and just put it on the back burner, other guys wear it on their sleeve and that is their whole life...
so what we are taliking about is really complex, but can also be as simple as we want to make it.
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  #42  
Old 12-27-2003, 10:33 AM
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Re: Re: I was at An Hoa area

Quote:
Originally posted by usmc26th
I was with Delta co frist plt. Was 1st squad leader. Like Dana I can't remenber alot of places or ops. It seem we were always on one. WELCOME HOME and 26th Marines have there own web site. just put down 26th Marines. Its interesting.
usmc26th
I was in Delta, 7th Engineers and was 1st Plt, 1st squad leader when we returned to Hill 37 from AnHoa. Each of our platoons would do a 4 month "tour" in AnHoa. the rest of the time was spent from hill 37. The only reason I know that I was on the two particular operations I mentioned earlier was because I went to the VA once for treatment and they said I had to prove I was a Vietnam Vet. St Louis sent the combat operations page from my record book along with some other stuff. Otherwise I know we heard about these operations and who knew what we were on...we were just there.
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  #43  
Old 12-27-2003, 10:46 AM
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How about this??

Do you ever think that hypervigilance now comes from thinking that years ago, you could have been able to change events by being more vigilant?
For years I thought if I was paying more attention to the surroundings, I might have prevented the death of my friend. I must have played the details over and over in my mind for years.
Do you think the anger is from the fact you are so hypervigilant that people around you dont appreciate the fact you are constantly walking point for them and when an event occurs, they just blow it off, and you too?
Walking the roads looking for mines really kept you on your toes. The grunts walked on either side of the road, out in the "bush", and if someone stepped on a mine or a truck was blown up, you thought "is it my lane?" did I miss, is it my fault? How did I get past this and not get killed and this other guy did?
Do you think that feeling that you let someone else down, you are hypervigilant today because you will never let another down again?
Just some thoughts.....
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  #44  
Old 12-27-2003, 10:56 AM
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Thanks USMC26th

I will look up that website.This must have been a bust Christmas for many people.I always got cards from some of the guy's in Alpha Company.Many I treated for wounds.Some critical wounds to,like paraplegic and full leg amputees.
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  #45  
Old 12-27-2003, 01:46 PM
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How Short But Wide is this Life

As the young Catholic boys would say(so as to not swear) Jesus, Mary and Joseph!! What are the chances, that the 4 or 5 of us; who literally came out of the blue to meet at this spot, all served in virtually the same TAOR! I think Angels are following us!
I have a very close friend in Lytle Creek,Ca who was at both Khe Sanh and 26thMarines and my fellow Sgt and Squad Leader with 7th Marines. His name is Bob Boytor. Look for him to chime in with us one day. Another pal Pete Bourret who was on Hill 10 and is a film maker(3 trips back to Nam) was with 81 Mortars on Hills 10-22-55. He lives 5 miles from me, and I was his replacement in June of 68! We met through a local news story about Nam. And then they did a follow up of the improbable chances of us meeting, let alone being raised 5 miles apart and never knowing,for 30 years, that the other one was in the Nam. I feel certain that both will come along for the ride.
It almost seems like this site is just a continuation fo that story.
It looks like we got a hell-of-a "Counrty Club" going here! Do we admit women!!
So, yeah, lets surf with the "Hypervigilance" board. It covers alot of waves. I can begin, tonight or tomorrow, by sharing my SHIELD of Coaching and High School Officiating for 26 years. It was a marvelous experience, yet simultaneously, a way of protecting the "Village" 24//7. It is one thing to be motivated, yet another to be driven. Sound familiar to anyone?
Yo, Doced, I was raised in Dixon, Illinios. Moved to Arizona in 1959. Graduated from a California Seminary School in 1966, and then joined the other Religious Order known as USMC! But my Mid-Western roots still rule.
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  #46  
Old 12-28-2003, 05:16 PM
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Bored PLEASE STAND BY

I have read the above entries several times. I definetely think this Forum is a good idea. It must be or I would not be shaking out so many old cobwebs myself.

I have not entered a post within the past few days for two reasons: 1 - It takes a whole lot of thought to put into words thoughts that I have held private for so long. 2 - I am amongst those in our recent rush of members having physical problems so have had to curtail my activities in order to recover from some new developments in my own complicated physical chaos.

Though I have not entered a recent post - a day does not go by that I do not enter and read those post entered by others. At least twice a day. Though my silence is apparent - my feelings and emotions garnered from your entries are there - though not seemingly apparent to you. I'm here.

Thank you & Semper Fi
Duffy
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  #47  
Old 12-28-2003, 06:12 PM
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Brother Duffey,
Been real sick here my self. Will get back in action in next day or two. Praying for a break through in your condition.
Dana
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  #48  
Old 12-28-2003, 08:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Danausmc
Brother Duffey,
Been real sick here my self. Will get back in action in next day or two. Praying for a break through in your condition.
Dana

I will also be praying for you Duffy and you to Dana that everything will be alright for both of you!!
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  #49  
Old 12-29-2003, 06:14 AM
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Re: How about this??

Quote:
Originally posted by Danausmc
Do you ever think that hypervigilance now comes from thinking that years ago, you could have been able to change events by being more vigilant?
For years I thought if I was paying more attention to the surroundings, I might have prevented the death of my friend. I must have played the details over and over in my mind for years.
Do you think the anger is from the fact you are so hypervigilant that people around you dont appreciate the fact you are constantly walking point for them and when an event occurs, they just blow it off, and you too?
Walking the roads looking for mines really kept you on your toes. The grunts walked on either side of the road, out in the "bush", and if someone stepped on a mine or a truck was blown up, you thought "is it my lane?" did I miss, is it my fault? How did I get past this and not get killed and this other guy did?
Do you think that feeling that you let someone else down, you are hypervigilant today because you will never let another down again?
Just some thoughts.....

Made me think about this one, You mite be right on. I for one will try to take on all my friends problems and get deal with them, which means I'm still walking point. Sometimes for the world. If I do this for a long peroid of time the anger is back to the suface again. Just my thoughts on this.
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  #50  
Old 12-29-2003, 07:49 PM
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Sgt Duffey

This is a reply for this thread but based on some thoughts that I have had from the death thread....
in that thread you wrote

"As in the case of our youth, even as combat personnel, until we come close to Death - our youth provides us with a built in form of emotional "immortality". It may happen to others, but "never to me.".

As a reult of your last post above, we moved our conversation into the PTSD forum... did we not? In the PTSD forum we will be dealing "directly" with the very subject that we had tried to avoid here in this forum. DEATH AND ITS RAMIFICATIONS - AND NEGATIVE SIDE AFFECTS. "

What is the real reason PTSD even occurs?
Is it because of our own perceptions and fear of death?
Is it because of our own need for self preservation?
Or...
Death itself?
The fear of death?
Someone elses death?
Our guilt over the death of another?
Our inablity to prevent a death?
Our helplessness when it comes?
the fact it is preordained before the beginning of time?

Or even as you said, Did I fail them?
How many are on the wall that did not receive the teaching?
GUILT?

On that, do you have children? The first time they get on the school bus you wonder if you taught them enought to survie....the first time they pull out of the driveway in the car alone...you think did I tech them enough? what if they dont make it? did I fail? that is what you have asked in one post. Did I fail? No you did not. My training kept me alive more than once. Death comes from a lot more than lack of training. No amount of training can prevent death by an overwhelming force, or your inability to be in complete control. And also that would put you at the same level as God, and then what would you need him for?

Hypervigilance....is it because we are so afraid to face death,, that we are looking for the angel of death? What will we do if he shows up? Instead of looking for and embracing Jesus Christ? Somehow we can make things right at that last breath? What if you don't get one?

I wrote this once and it did not post so I am trying again...maybe it is on some other site by mistake. that should get some tongues wagging.

My peace is in Jesus Christ....the more stuff I lay off on HIM and quit clinging too....the easier life is.
Dana
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  #51  
Old 12-29-2003, 11:24 PM
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The Hypervigilant Coach

In a nutshell you all described why I was a Coach for 26 years! No one ever left my "Flock" untrained! No one was ever without care and vigilance. Jesus called it AGAPE. Mic
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  #52  
Old 12-30-2003, 08:11 PM
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I made

a couple of edits in my previous post. Mostly spelling errors, but one extra thought also. I had written it once and somehow it did not post and when I came back to it, I could not remember all that I had written.

Tomorrow night Susan and I will be attending and participating in a wedding ceremony of a man and woman we met through the Ministry.

I guess this is the flip side of what we have been talking about. LIFE. We met in jail. PTSD had a real grip on his life, and responses to it put him in prison. I am proud to call him a friend. But things can turn around. That is why we have hope. Jesus is who he said He is.
Another life turned around by a relationship with Jesus.

Carpe diem....seize the day......the only one who knows how many we have left is God himself. This is a choice we have to make every day. it is our choice what our out look will be and how we get hold of what God has given us.

Is PTSD a prison that we lock ourselves into? Why is it so hard to step away from the emotions and other feelings?

Can you do it? And still honor the memory of those you cherish? Can you remember their names? Seems like a silly question. But I will leave it here for now....
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  #53  
Old 12-30-2003, 11:02 PM
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Mexico Bound

My wife,and children and I are hosting 4 PTSD Vets at our 'Get-A-Way" house in Mexico for the New Year. God love ya all. And may God Speed for you in the New Year. SEYA again about January 10th. Mike and Lydia/ Tucson Outpost
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  #54  
Old 12-31-2003, 08:01 PM
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Wanderers, a people in a strange land

All I could imagine was coming back to the world...and buying a Corvette. Saved everything I got paid. Could not wait. Kept my eyes fixed on that goal. But you know what? Got home and it was like being in a foreign land. I did not know anyone. Just hung out. Lost. Not the same any longer. tried a lot of things and "it" just was not there. Did not know what it was....but I sure kept a keen eye out for it... like so many other vets....just began to drift and wander spiritually and never find that home I left.
But something struck me in a familiar scripture to night and it is the following....

"I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you", declares the Lord,"and will bring you back from captivity."

God himself has promised to rescue us from the captivity we are in and bound by PTSD.

He even explains what to do in his Word.
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  #55  
Old 01-01-2004, 03:41 PM
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BTW

I never bought the Corvette either......
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  #56  
Old 01-01-2004, 03:50 PM
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excerpt from Marianne Moore

The world's an orphans home. Shall
we never have peace without sorrow?
without pleas of the dying for
help that won't come? O
quiet form upon the dust, I cannot
look and yet I must. If these great patient
dyings--all these agonies
and wound bearings and bloodshed--
can teach us how to live, these
dyings were not wasted.

I,m submitting this to the PTSD discussion....without comment from me.
This was written in 1944
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  #57  
Old 01-01-2004, 07:44 PM
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Cross Glow Sm Clr DISCHARGE

I left the Marine Corps at the Marine Corps Air Station - El Toro, Santa Anna.

I had spent my previous time in the jungles of Okinawa and Southeast Asia. I was there where the "old Corps" was on the original battle of Okinawa. I lived in the jungle. Counter Guerrilla Warfare Instruction School, NTA, NORTH OR CAMP SCWAB.

In 1962-1963 13,000 Military troops were sent to Nam as Military Advisors.

I was Headquartered with Dvision Schools at Camp Hansen, Okinawa, outside of Kin Village. The Team never saw Camp Hansen, even though I had a bunk and locker there. We flew into Camp Hansen via Huey and picked up our monthly checks and blew them in Kin Village, Ishikawa Beach, Four Corners and Naha. We always arrived back in Skoshi cabs drunk and hung over.

The choppers would take us back up North and we would start again, with a new company, a new group of men, and for youngsters like me, just another day in the jungle. Classes in tent camps... night patrols... compass orientation... fake fire fights. Nothing to it.

In 1962 the Cuban Missile Crisis began. We were First Alert. The School was shut down, we were air evact and we drank a lot of Tories whiskey and saki. We were flown to Kadena Air Force Base. Carrying the best we had to offer the enemy, armed with the best knowledge... we departed.
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  #58  
Old 01-02-2004, 05:10 PM
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Here is a note to all

a few days ago I sent Sgt Duffy an e-mail by regular non PMIM PM and enquired about his health.
I deleted it afterward and dont remember all the details, but he pointed out that I promised not to send any private e-mails.
Well ya got me Duffy.
I cant post it because I dont have it. I was worried that you had taken a serious turn and was concerned.
So now Im waiting.....
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  #59  
Old 01-02-2004, 05:17 PM
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Re: DISCHARGE

Quote:
Originally posted by Sgt. Duffy-USMC
I left the Marine Corps at the Marine Corps Air Station - El Toro, Santa Anna.

I had spent my previous time in the jungles of Okinawa and Southeast Asia. I was there where the "old Corps" was on the original battle of Okinawa. I lived in the jungle. Counter Guerrilla Warfare Instruction School, NTA, NORTH OR CAMP SCWAB.

In 1962-1963 13,000 Military troops were sent to Nam as Military Advisors.

I was Headquartered with Dvision Schools at Camp Hansen, Okinawa, outside of Kin Village. The Team never saw Camp Hansen, even though I had a bunk and locker there. We flew into Camp Hansen via Huey and picked up our monthly checks and blew them in Kin Village, Ishikawa Beach, Four Corners and Naha. We always arrived back in Skoshi cabs drunk and hung over.

The choppers would take us back up North and we would start again, with a new company, a new group of men, and for youngsters like me, just another day in the jungle. Classes in tent camps... night patrols... compass orientation... fake fire fights. Nothing to it.

In 1962 the Cuban Missile Crisis began. We were First Alert. The School was shut down, we were air evact and we drank a lot of Tories whiskey and saki. We were flown to Kadena Air Force Base. Carrying the best we had to offer the enemy, armed with the best knowledge... we departed.
One of the members of my group was in 9th Marines in 62-63 on Okinowa. Went to RVN in 63 and was medivaced out after a midair helicoptor crash on 10 OCT 63. You may also have trained this guy, Sgt Duffey.
The point I was trying to make earlier is this, you have no control over their use of your training and even with the best, the situation was out of their control when ten Marines lost their lives that day. Two are still listed as missing. You are not accountable for this.
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  #60  
Old 01-03-2004, 01:36 PM
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This is

a really nice link. Takes a little time to load but is worth the wait.

http://www.palletmastersworkshop.com/namflash.html
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