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  #21  
Old 12-19-2003, 07:04 PM
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The reason

I posted these pics is to give you an idea where my head goes when I hear certain songs, certain noises, even smells. Not all the time, but often enought to know I have to stay vigilant and remember that was then and this is now. I have found that I dont live there anymore and if I spend too much time there I get real angry. For those that say the Gospel is just a crutch for weak people, I say so what. I will take that crutch every time until I can stand on my own.
S/F
Waiting on you....
Brothers
Dana
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  #22  
Old 12-20-2003, 08:47 AM
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For many years

I have tried to find people at the pointman site and chat,but never had any luck.So this is a surprise so to say.I have chronically severe PTSD,and sometimes I can't even go out of the house.So this site will give me a place to vent.I used to go to Church Services regularly and even ushered every week.But for the past 4 months I can no longer attend Services.Do to the need to isolate.

When I was wounded I had a head wound also.And now I have left frontal lobe atropy.So sometimes I get forgetful and have poor concentration.At times it's hard to understand which is bothering me the PTSD or the brain.So you folks will just have to put up with me.hoho
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  #23  
Old 12-20-2003, 10:36 AM
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Re: For many years

Quote:
Originally posted by doced
I have tried to find people at the pointman site and chat,but never had any luck.So this is a surprise so to say.I have chronically severe PTSD,and sometimes I can't even go out of the house.So this site will give me a place to vent.I used to go to Church Services regularly and even ushered every week.But for the past 4 months I can no longer attend Services.Do to the need to isolate.

When I was wounded I had a head wound also.And now I have left frontal lobe atropy.So sometimes I get forgetful and have poor concentration.At times it's hard to understand which is bothering me the PTSD or the brain.So you folks will just have to put up with me.hoho
I can empathize with you about not being able to hook up on our main site. The forum we had there directed you to a laundry list of porn sites and we shut it down.
Someones mom tried to use it and was shocked to say the least.
So we have really been blessed by Chuck and AJ with this space, and the freedom to do what we do.
I my self used to usher every day and occupy my self with the mechanics of going to church and the minute to minute details, which are important, but not the reason that I was there. I spent so much time in details, I missed the message...
In my continuing dialogue with Sgt. Duffy, I am going to talk about something concerning a "head" injury.
I just need a little time to collect my thoughts. we have promised each other to keep this in open forum, so like I said before, it is like standing naked downtown, and pretending no one can see you.
If you need to e-mail me, or want to chat privately, i'm here most of the time.
Dana
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  #24  
Old 12-20-2003, 10:44 AM
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DOCED

Try this link,
www.namvetbook.com and click on the Namvet Book. You can read the entire book on line if you wish. There is a lot of material there that has been very helpful to me. Each chapter is like its own book, so you don't need to start at the beginning.
Dana
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  #25  
Old 12-21-2003, 04:24 PM
Sgt. Duffy-USMC
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Doced and Dana

I think we have something going here in PTSD that could potentially help a lot of us. Especially me.

Thanks for your entries, Dana and Doc. With a subject matter as serious as this one - reponses require more thought on my part. And that is good.

Sorrry I haven't been online for the past few days, but my computer has been in the shop trying to have a scanner added. Scanner is still not connected. Maybe next week.

This is a good plan, Dana. Let's keep it going.

Duffy
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  #26  
Old 12-21-2003, 07:25 PM
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I hear that

about computer troubles. Mine stopped for a few hours last night and I could not get it to start. All I got once it would turn on was a message in DOS that said BIOS Block, and that was it.
But sudenly it started working so here I am....
For all those that have been following our chat first from the death thread, and now to here....please...if you have something to add, jump in. The buttons on the bottom of each post will keep you in this thread and your remarks wont get lost somewhere else.
Dana
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  #27  
Old 12-21-2003, 07:34 PM
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Re: Doced and Dana

Quote:
Originally posted by Sgt. Duffy-USMC
I think we have something going here in PTSD that could potentially help a lot of us. Especially me.

Thanks for your entries, Dana and Doc. With a subject matter as serious as this one - reponses require more thought on my part. And that is good.

Sorrry I haven't been online for the past few days, but my computer has been in the shop trying to have a scanner added. Scanner is still not connected. Maybe next week.

This is a good plan, Dana. Let's keep it going.

Duffy

Duffy,
I'm believing that the more we get some of these issues out in the open, the more help we will be to one another, and also anyone else that looks in here. You are definitely right about requiring much prayer and thought about this and collecting ones thoughts about what we have done so far.
I often wonder if I have said too much or too little and if I have become a trigger that did not need to be pulled.
I will think on what and where we are and respond tomorrow.
I do believe we are on to something here and if we proceed slowly, we will get through it.
Dana
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  #28  
Old 12-22-2003, 10:00 AM
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Dana

As for me your post's never triggered anything.I'm in a constant vigilante state,and anxiety state to.But I have been like this since 1968.So I have already gone through the suicidal thoughts and all that.My condition now is mostly anxiety and maybe a little paranoia.I spent the time when I was in the seige of Khe Sahn,in prayer.Every rocket or shell that came in sounded like it had my name on it.Just wanted to let you know that anything you have said has been nothing but helpful.
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  #29  
Old 12-22-2003, 02:14 PM
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CJ'S SERMONETTE FOR THE DAY - OPEN CHAPEL

tHE ABOVE SUBJECT POST CAN BE FOUND IN OPEN CHAPEL.

I have read it - and re-read it - and I expect to do so quite often in the future. CJ has made mention to PTSD, amongst many other powerful subjects and I felt that it would be appropriate to refer those of us in the PTSD forum, to take out a moment of time to read a post that so deeply and sincerily relates to all of us.

I would like to invite USMC26th to jump in here in this forum, since we have, as is explained above, started a project that as agreed upon, shall remain always in the "open".

That does not aliminate private messages in any form - except between Dana and Myself. As noted above, with Dana, I too am available should anyone wish to send private mail.

CJ - I am greatful for your message. The thoughts it provokes are ..... are .... dynamic!

Dufffy
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  #30  
Old 12-26-2003, 06:35 PM
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My mind has been racing

and going no where fast in responding to the last posts.
Much of what I have written occurred prior to 1989. The flash backs and nightmares especially. What was interesting about the whole ordeal at the time, was I had been in one church or another since 1973. Said the salvation prayer in 73 and never let go of the Vietnam experience after that. Got so bad the wife went to the Pastor in 89 and said she was leaving. That was a wake up call I heard.
I went to an alter call and prayed specifically about the nightmares and flashbacks. They stopped. Period. I can still find myself in Vietnam, but it is not like before.
But one thing that has slowed down but not stopped is the anger and rage.
Very small things to the average person really set me off and I have to back away real quick, many posts that I read have that effect. (not just on this site)
Does not mean I have something against the person, the words put me in a fight mode and get the old adrenalin pumping.
Another thing that gets me is guys that say their records are sealed and were so covert that the government does not even recognize their service. Secret SEALS is an example. I am not really addressing issues right now, but just talking about where I am.
I do believe each member of the United States Armed Forces has earned a measure of respect and gratitude from all of us.
I guess the "my tour" was worse than yours just exacerbates the problem with reaching each other.
Its sort of like going to a wedding reception and all the different factions sit in their own areas and never communicate. And then pee and moan about each other.
Another thing I really resent and don't like at all is to have anyone tell me what I am thinking.
I would much rather have someone say, is this what you mean instead of telling me what I said. I am ok if someone says that my words mean this or that to them even if that was not my intent and give me a shot at explaining them.
So I am not sure if this is a result of not dealing with the PTSD issues for such a long time and this is just learned responses, or a continuation of actual PTSD symptoms that still need to be dealt with.
What I write is what I mean, but many times as many people that read the words, have as many intrepretations and it aint always pretty.
Enough for now,
Good night Duffy.
Dana
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  #31  
Old 12-26-2003, 09:14 PM
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Angeldevil Yeeeowwee, Dana!

Dana, (said in a soft and gentle whisper)

Wheeew! That above post was at the minimum straight to the point....(again said in a soft and gentle whisper). I don't know to whom or what exactly it was directed at but "I interpreted it as a venting of angry emotions" in some form or other. I also can not over look the possibility that there is more to it than even expressed above - but that "is only my interpretation and is more than likely, incorrect". (spoken gently, cautiously, and with a certain amount of body language indicating my own abject fear..."

In other words, I think I will just hide in the corner and wait to see how you feel tomorrow. Wheeew.

Goodnight, Dana
Duffy
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  #32  
Old 12-26-2003, 10:20 PM
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PTSD Saga Marches On

Good Lord, are there a lot a Marines on this beach!

Yo, Duffy! Just read one of your postings on another thread and learned that you were at the Pasqua Yaqui Moving Wall. Just getting used to this site -- I'll be sure to visit alk thread in the future. That was a wonderful week for Bill Forte (4th Marines) and I -- very broad base of visitors to the Point Man booth. Vets from both Desert Storm and Afghanistan plus several Korean War vets along with the standard fare of us proud Viet vets. The Tribe treated us like royalty; it made me very proud to be carrying the banner for Point Man! I hope to be visiting Angelfire with my wife and daughter in the Spring. Maybe we can connect then.

And now for you, Dana. What a mind-blower to read your post about mine-sweeping in my old neighborhood -- Hill 37!! I was there as a FO following Operation Meade River in 1968. Can't remember a damned thing though. Maybe you can fill in some blanks. Let's chat some more about this.

On a more somber note, I recommend to you Duffy to use this forum and its collective wisdom to the max with the faith and Words of Jesus "wherever there are 3 gathered in my name." I would suggest dealing with the PTSD issues one at a time -- if at all humanly possible. By example, let's talk about HYPERVIGILENCE for the next week or so and just see what happens. I too used to lump everything together and try to deal with it as a whole which I now understand is the way I always lost my grasp. I am also in the ranks of the "wounded healer" -- certified Gestalt therapist, nurse on mental health unit at local Catholic hospital which only provided me a shield for my PTSD. For years, I hid behind the credentials and academic theology, the Power and the Grace of Jesus was still in the wings. Let's be the band of brothers that we are and lick these near-idolatrous symptoms one at a time, just like we pumped out squat-thrusts.

Mic/7th Marines FO
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  #33  
Old 12-26-2003, 10:39 PM
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Doced
I ran a private Foundation for Head Injuries for 5 years. Also experienced a head injury near Hill 37 South of DaNang. Got Med-vac'd out in March of 69. Have total amnesia for the event however. I read my own After Action Reports, and still cannot identify with the events of the day. I completed a 3 Week Intensive program for PTS in December of 2001. The same day I was hit on Hill 37!
Had real good care for the TBI, and still work with Vets with Head Injuries. Rated 100% Permanent and Total by the VA. I am also a VSO. Stay in touch. Pax, Mic
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  #34  
Old 12-27-2003, 04:43 AM
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Anger

Morning Duffy,
Ya got me there, ....whispering....guess that woke me up too...not sure what I was yapping about last night.
Or why. Was not directed at anyone in particular. Guess I was talking out loud and seeing where my thoughts would go.

Mike, hypervigilance? Not a bad Idea. You in for that Duffy? It goes way beyond just looking and watching...I think the anger reactions are part the hypervigilance. A perceived attack is met with overwhelming force. The "attack" can take many forms.....like your kids doing something that may hurt them and you over react. Someone says something negative about your wife and you dont use a measured response, you go right for the throat. Is it the traing you received that when ya get in close, bite off their nose or pull out their throat to get their attention and then kill em?
From hanging around other Marines and their wives, my wife always takes the seat in the corner facing out. She gets real antsy if she has to sit in the middle of a room or with her back to the center.
So I think this is a good direction for now,
Dana
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  #35  
Old 12-27-2003, 04:54 AM
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Morning Mike

Kilo 3/7 was the main infantry unit my company was in support of. They were at Hill 37 and AnHoa. They relieve Mike 3/7 in Dec. 67 and stayed on Hill 37 until about August 68. the two major Operations we (I) participated in were Maui Peak and Mameluke Thrust. After July and a very intense battle in Dodge City, K3/7 moved to Hill 10 and was relieved by 5th Marines. That is about all I remember, about different units.
Some days I cant remember faces or names or anything and I start to think that there is something wrong with me for not remembering the sacrifices made. So I need to look at that too, I guess.
S/F
Dana
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  #36  
Old 12-27-2003, 06:35 AM
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Hill 10

I was with 1/26 marines on hill 10 when I was wounded.A Marine squad and myself were on a night ambush.But the command had sent a squad out to the same area the night before.So they were waiting on us,and began throwing grenades all over us,until all but two were wounded.That was operation Mameluke Thrust also.Two weeks later my whole platoon was nearly wiped out,Alpha Co.1/26 was right in the thick of fighting during Mameluke thrust.My guy's are all on panel 3 W in Washington DC.
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  #37  
Old 12-27-2003, 06:59 AM
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Re: Anger

Quote:
Originally posted by Danausmc
Morning Duffy,
Ya got me there, ....whispering....guess that woke me up too...not sure what I was yapping about last night.
Or why. Was not directed at anyone in particular. Guess I was talking out loud and seeing where my thoughts would go.

Mike, hypervigilance? Not a bad Idea. You in for that Duffy? It goes way beyond just looking and watching...I think the anger reactions are part the hypervigilance. A perceived attack is met with overwhelming force. The "attack" can take many forms.....like your kids doing something that may hurt them and you over react. Someone says something negative about your wife and you dont use a measured response, you go right for the throat. Is it the traing you received that when ya get in close, bite off their nose or pull out their throat to get their attention and then kill em?
From hanging around other Marines and their wives, my wife always takes the seat in the corner facing out. She gets real antsy if she has to sit in the middle of a room or with her back to the center.
So I think this is a good direction for now,
Dana
Ialso think we should go there, It's a good place to start [my thoughts] I think anger and hypervigilance are together. If you can't relax or get a nights sleep it has a habit of bringing the anger to the surface, or it does with with me. It used to be [back when I was drinking] all it took was for someone to look at me wrong. And I was always watching, sometimes to the point of laying in the woods. I live now where my nearest neibor is over a1/4 mile away, and no triffic, it has helped.
I was allso in the Hill 55 Hill10 area, in late 69 early 7o with the 26th marines, Was also with Hotel 2/7 when the 7th Marines Left the states in May 65.
All for now
USMC26th
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  #38  
Old 12-27-2003, 08:05 AM
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Re: Hill 10

Quote:
Originally posted by doced
I was with 1/26 marines on hill 10 when I was wounded.A Marine squad and myself were on a night ambush.But the command had sent a squad out to the same area the night before.So they were waiting on us,and began throwing grenades all over us,until all but two were wounded.That was operation Mameluke Thrust also.Two weeks later my whole platoon was nearly wiped out,Alpha Co.1/26 was right in the thick of fighting during Mameluke thrust.My guy's are all on panel 3 W in Washington DC.

I dont think I was ever at Hill 10, but I remember after Khe Sanh, Marines from 26th Marines moved to AnHoa.
Problem is there are gaps in my memory after all this time and even with dates on pictures with my face in them, I dont remember all of it.
Dana
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  #39  
Old 12-27-2003, 08:31 AM
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I was at An Hoa area

The Company I was with had road security on pontoon bridges along the road from An Hoa to Wunder Beach.
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  #40  
Old 12-27-2003, 10:07 AM
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Re: I was at An Hoa area

Quote:
Originally posted by doced
The Company I was with had road security on pontoon bridges along the road from An Hoa to Wunder Beach.
I was with Delta co frist plt. Was 1st squad leader. Like Dana I can't remenber alot of places or ops. It seem we were always on one. WELCOME HOME and 26th Marines have there own web site. just put down 26th Marines. Its interesting.
usmc26th
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