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  #1  
Old 01-25-2005, 08:28 AM
Pointman69
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Cross Glow Sm Clr Problems with trust?

I feel plagued with inability to trust myself, others, and even God. I know in Vietnam, we learned to trust only ourselves. No one else could be relied on. They would get wounded and leave, die, or DEROS. No one I came in Country with ended up in my Regiment, so no one I knew had the same DEROS date.
I lost my entire squad twice - I was the point man. I felt totally abandoned and guilty for surviving. After two months, I treated everyone as an FNG.

That fear, isolation, guilt, and lack of trusting anyone has continued to this day. It hinders any attempt to develop a close relationship - even with my wife who has stuck with me all these years though our marrage is not what she understands to be intimate.

I heard a discription of how phsycologists think trust works - when we don't trust someone, we are actually saying, "I don't trust you to not hurt me and that hurt may overwhelm me." That sounds like me. Trust is really a lack of confidence in myself, that I may not be able to handle the pain that comes from opening myself up to someone else.

If this is as true as it sounds, how do I ever gain the self confidence to handle what may come from others? After all, I'm a sinner, my goods works are as filthy rags compared to God's goodness. That doesn't leave much to build self confidence on.

I'm begining to learn there usually are spiritual parallels to all human understanding. God sees what's true in a reality much bigger than ours. His view of trust is probably different than ours and is worth seeking.

I'm thinking being born again means God has made me a new creation, old things are passed away. The spirit that was born in me is of God, and is whole and complete. (Wha-la! self confidence) Therefore, in the spirit, I can trust God who wants the very best for me, and can be confident that (in the spirit) I can handle anything impurfect humanity could do. The difficulty then is learning to walk in the spirit, not in my understanding.

Is anyone else having difficulty trusting people enough to have "normal" relationships? What are your thoughts?
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  #2  
Old 01-25-2005, 03:28 PM
Trooper
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Re: Problems with trust?

Pointman69

You been reading my Mail again! I still have trouble trusting. The old "If you weren't there" attitude. Gradually i'm learning that to trust, I need to get to know that person, or my God a lot more intimately (And this ain't easy). But through the Spirit, (Although I have no Idea how He does it) I know it's possable.

Your in My Prayers!
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  #3  
Old 01-25-2005, 04:12 PM
snowyowl
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Re: Problems with trust?

pointman69 well said!
If I could count the spiritual backstabs in my back...I'd be rich
On the humorous side: In God we trust, all others keep your hands up where I can see them.
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  #4  
Old 01-25-2005, 06:29 PM
Dean Black
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Re: Problems with trust?

AJ, I still have problems with trust also and I have found that you can get hurt more in church than on the street. This has made me more cautious with others, but I have learned that if I stay in His Holy word and ask for His Divine guidance; I still move forward and I don't let it bother me anymore. Helping my Brothers keeps me feeling good about being a part of Point Man. I know that God carries my load quite a bit and He will do the same for anyone who asks. God Bless all.
Dean
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  #5  
Old 01-26-2005, 12:59 PM
Pointman69
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Re: Problems with trust?

Dean - you're right about people in church. Fortunately, Jesus gave us a direct line to God. People are still people (including me).
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  #6  
Old 01-27-2005, 07:47 PM
Stickthrower
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Re: Problems with trust?

Pointman69,

I know the feeling, Just when I think I can trust someone, they remind me they are mortal. I know that I can no longer trust my feelings or some of my decisions! I made the mistake of opening up to my wife three years ago at her urging. The look I got was unforgetable! I'll never make that mistake again of opening up to someone who wasn't there and doesn't walk the walk or understand the talk. Like you said, never let anyone get close to you, they are FNG's, and always will be.

But, even I know sometimes we still have to trust in someone-I hope my faith in God will stay strong. For only through him will we survive and we must watch each others back and pull shifts when necessary for each other. By sticking together we are stronger! I have to believe this for that is my only faith left!

Satan's plan is DEVIDE AND CONCORE! Since then, God has opened my wife of 13 years eyes so she could see her way through to reading Chuck's book and gaining a better understanding of my demons!

THANK THE LORD! We now get along better and she is learning to help me recognize the triggers that motivate/activate me.

My prayers are with you and here's hoping we both learn to trust in someone again. I know I will keep praying for His help and intervention!

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  #7  
Old 01-28-2005, 09:35 AM
Pointman69
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Re: Problems with trust?

Stickthrower - you know the problems. I'm thinking that a lot of us (myself at the front) spend a great deal of effort protecting ourselves. The physical danger is gone, but protecting myself from being emotionally overwhelmed has become a prime objective. It's sad to see my life revolve around my fears of being hurt. I would like more out of life.
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  #8  
Old 01-28-2005, 01:33 PM
Stickthrower
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Dog Re: Problems with trust?

Pointman69,

Yes, the physical danger seems to be past. But, the emotional danger is ever present. If we can just learn to spend as much time trusting in Him as we spend trying to protect ourselves emotionally can you imagine what we could accomplish?

That is a lot easier said than done! Like you, I seem to spend a lot of time trying to insulate myself from emotional pains. Even to the point of isolating myself from my wife and kids.

But, I for one am going to try to put my life back together-with my family being number one!
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  #9  
Old 01-29-2005, 08:52 AM
Don Dodson Don Dodson is offline
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Re: Problems with trust?

Brothers, I find these same issues. The root of my distrust was formed during my childhood, and Vietnam just frosted the cake, so to speak. Here is a Bible passage I find very helpful when I am feeling threatened: Jeremiah 29:11: (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you." delcares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." As someone pointed out, it may be a good thing to be cautious of people, especially those who do not embody God's grace and love.

For me, trust is earned, not an automatic. Peace!

WELCOME HOME!
Don "Oboeman" Dodson
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  #10  
Old 01-30-2005, 02:18 PM
Pointman69
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Re: Problems with trust?

Don - what a great promise from God. I'm going to take it to our outpost. Thanks again for the Word. You know, I think there's another step in the trust thing. To trust in Jesus and the Father, I have to believe. Belief comes from hearing God's word and from the testimony of His works in our lives.

It seems the one thing we can do is encourage and remind each other that God's thoughts toward us are of Peace, not of Evil. I know these things, but need to be reminded on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. That's one of the big strengths of Point Man Ministry Outposts. Keeping our minds focused on those things which are above is not an easy task. Accepting those "horrible" memories as a part of our lives that God will use for His glory seems to make God's reality more desirable than just surviving.

He really has been faithful all these years - there are more and more times where I can actually thank God for Vietnam. Without it, I would not have pursued a relationship with Him as intently, nor would I have been able to look back and testify to all those things He's done to save me and bring me to this day.

Sometimes I look forward to tomorrow. He's waiting there for me to show up.
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  #11  
Old 02-08-2005, 12:19 PM
Shawn Powell
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Cross Glow Sm Clr Re: Problems with trust?

69,

Yes... I deal with it everyday... I've been MIA for awhile because of that... I'm glad I sucked it up and came back to you guys. Really was overwhelmed for a little bit.

You guys rock.

Shawn.
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  #12  
Old 02-08-2005, 01:40 PM
Pointman69
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Re: Problems with trust?

Welcme back Shawn. One thing we can do, is support each other. I'm finding that I learn more with others than I do trying to figure things out alone. Went to a men's retreat this weekend. One of the speakers went through Psalms 77. The psalmist began by focusing on the turmoil in his life. Somewhere aroung verse 3, he says, "I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed."

That happens to me everytime I look at all the things I need to deal with. I get overwhelmed and depressed to the point that the bottom seems to drop out.

The psalmist continues to lament to the point that he begins to doubt that God will ever show grace or mercy to him again. Then somewhere around verse 8, 9, or 10 he admits that the problem is his, not God's or anyone else. Then he decides it's time to turn to God, to remember how faithful God has been in the past. The future was not hopeless as he saw it in his self focused preception. God rules and focusing on our misery just disconnects us with God's reality and hope.

It's a cycle I let myself go through time and again - but as Dana said, if it takes a hundred repitiions, that's what it takes. God bless
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  #13  
Old 02-08-2005, 05:19 PM
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danausmc danausmc is offline
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Re: Problems with trust?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shawn Powell
69,

Yes... I deal with it everyday... I've been MIA for awhile because of that... I'm glad I sucked it up and came back to you guys. Really was overwhelmed for a little bit.

You guys rock.

Shawn.
Shawn,
Glad to have you back.
Dana
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  #14  
Old 02-11-2005, 07:07 AM
snowyowl
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Re: Problems with trust?

Welcome back Shawn.
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  #15  
Old 02-14-2005, 10:31 PM
chapmick
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Re: Problems with trust?

God asks only that I make an effort. Over and over again. When we pray or meditate, we are never alone--evidenced by the presence of the Holy Spirit within this cyberspace. I suspect we are helped in our holy efforts more than we ever realize. I should never hesitate to collapse in the lap of the ONE who is with me. It is that mustard seed thing that is powerful- because there are no words to get trapped in. God does not always speak in words. That is where daily circumstantial trust becomes a true source of joy. Mic
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  #16  
Old 02-18-2005, 09:54 AM
Pointman69
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Re: Problems with trust?

Mic - don't know quite what to say, but right on. I envy your closeness with the Lord. For me, it's a work in progress.

How does your relationship with God filter down to trusting others? Do you find times, like I do, when you are still guarding and protecting yourself from the hurts that may come from each others humanity? Have you hurt others deeply? I have, if so, do they trust you? How do you approach someone you've torn apart and apologize, knowing mistakes and misunderstandings will still occur in the future? I'm having difficulty seeing God's perspective and getting a handle on that.

I would appriciate any thoughts you have. Dave Wright
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  #17  
Old 02-19-2005, 12:27 AM
lezah
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Re: Problems with trust?

Learning to trust in the Lord has to come first in my opinion. I could never trust a mortal man or woman until I came to know Jesus. Those I trust are still few and far between but I found a number of friends in Pointman. Unfortunately there is not an outpost/HF where I live now. I have hurt my husband and although we use our knowlege to patch things up, I know the mistrust will happen again. It is only through love that we are able to forgive each other and keep on keeping on.
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  #18  
Old 02-20-2005, 02:50 PM
Pointman69
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Cross Glow Sm Clr Re: Problems with trust?

Thanks Lezah. I think you're right, forgiveness is a key. And it has to be unconditional forgiveness that doesn't stop at the next failure. That can only come from God in our hearts, it's not in our old nature at all.

I think "unconditional" is easy for God, He's whole, complete, and nothing is too much for Him to handle. Looking at my weaknesses, I'm afraid I'll be overwhelmed if I get hurt again. I must protect myself. Both my wife and I forgive on the condition or promise that you'll never do that again.

God says not to lean on our understanding. To step out because He says so is where faith is built. My understanding says it too risky, God says in Christ, I can do it because He will enable me - who can I believe?

Learning in Christ - Dave Wright
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  #19  
Old 02-21-2005, 09:22 AM
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ajusmc ajusmc is offline
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Re: Problems with trust?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lezah
Learning to trust in the Lord
Is very much the first step, then to trust in ourselves before we can begin to trust and forgive others.
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