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  #1  
Old 05-02-2005, 09:39 AM
Pointman69
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Anger

I finally caught myself feeling angry after my wife explained her misgivings about a family situation involving her brother. It was the first time I recognized my anger as something unnecessary and unwarrented for the situation before I just added it to the pile of other things that "make me angry."

I didn't understand it but finally recognized the anger wasn't related to the particular situation. I know many of you are way ahead of me on this. I've known this intellectually, but never saw it so clear before.

For me, it seemed to come down to, I was angry about having to deal with my wife's emotions. I hadn't a clue how to make her feel better, I don't know how to fix the situation, and she really wasn't asking for me to solve it anyway - she just wanted to share her feelings.

In the jungle, walking point, I had my hands full just to concentrate on where my feet were stepping and what was going on around me. Emotions (mine or others) were way down on the priority list. In fact, they were a distraction from the things I had to do to keep myself and others alive - so anger was a skill I used to avoid everything else.

Does that make any sence?
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  #2  
Old 05-02-2005, 10:41 AM
Stickthrower
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Dance Re: Anger

Pointman69,

It makes perfect sense to me. I have caught myself doing the same thing. Being angry and then discovering I did not really know what I was mad about until later when I cooled off and thought about it. Especially when dealing with emotions-that is definately my biggest setback in day to day life. I don't know if I will ever come to grips with emotions, but with the help of the Lord I will continue to keep trying everyday.
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  #3  
Old 05-02-2005, 01:17 PM
Dean Black
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Confused Re: Anger

I don't know if this makes any sense or not but when things aren't going well and/or I start feeling Depression from being house bound I catch myself mentally looking for someone to blame. Well it ddon't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out that my wife is normally the target. But as I try to serve the Lord I realize that one of Satans names is the Accuser; and I pray and ask God to help me, to give me the srength to fight back. I am in the process of reading a book Titled When The Enemy Strikes by Dr. Charles Stanley. The book points out how the Devil attacks you and the best way to counter him. I'm not too smart but I know that when it starts piling up, it's time to get down and call for a God Strike. He is always on target at just the right time. God Bless.
Dean
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  #4  
Old 05-02-2005, 01:35 PM
Shawn Powell
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Cross Glow Sm Clr Re: Anger

Just had a horrible episode last night with anger... yes, the unjustified target was my wife... my perfect help meet. She told me she was tired of walking on eggshells around me and wanted to know why I conditionally love her... sometimes she thinks I hate her guts.

Brothers... this is NOT so! I love her deeply and would defend her to the death. Everytime I fancy myself a great warrior, the devil infiltrates and slaughters me... violently, thoroughly and decisively. Pure spiritual Spetznaz stuff.

I need your prayers, men. I've apologized and wholeheartedly know I alone am at fault... she has forgiven me AGAIN... God has forgiven me AGAIN... how about for ****s and giggles you forgive me as well, hooah?

I am the least among all of you!

Shawn.
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  #5  
Old 05-03-2005, 12:58 PM
Pointman69
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Re: Anger

Shawn - I've been there, we've all been there time after time. I'm pretty bone headed and it's taking a lot longer than I think it should for a resolution of my anger problems. Was at a prayer breakfast this morning and the speaker said God is not in a hurry. He's not worried that the right things won't get done.

My desire to find out who the new creation He made in me is growing stronger. Because of that I am sheding more of my understanding, which includes discounting my wife's viewpoint because she hasn't been where I have.

Well, I haven't been where she has either. She has given up everything for me, all her hopes and dreams of a "normal" life - not that a normal life is achievable, but she sacrificed that dream by staying with me. Her whole life has been spent trying to fix me, not upset me, not getting answers to her questions, not being able to share a life with me. When is it her turn?

All I can say is God doesn't waste anything, He will use it all for our good because we love Him (we love true justice, we love what's right, we love to see healing, we love to have someone to trust who will not let us down, we love to know that someone really understands and accepts us the way we are, we love the fact that good does overcome evil, we love the fact that He is changing us even though we kick and scream all the way,...).

I've appologized so many times where my wife has seen no change that I have no credibility left with her. As hard as I try, I can't change her mind. She has resigned herself to the fact that I am not, nor will be perfect in this life time. One thing did give her hope recently; we cleaned out a section of the garage together without exchanging one angry word. That was God and she knew it. She had dreaded doing that for years because of the way I treated her. I've got a lifetime to go, but it's becoming easier to trust the one who knows the beginning from the end and everything in between - and for us it's good!
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  #6  
Old 06-12-2005, 09:58 AM
Abn_Rgr
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Re: Anger

Anger pretty much describes my whole last week. It would seem everything made me mad. I have many buddies in Iraq at the moment. I try often to contact them and see that all is well. Then if they don't respond I am angry because I don't know what is going on. I do realize of course, they have a huge mission and replying to me is low on the list of priorities, but still I feel left out.

I contacted a recruiter knowing full well I was not acceptable to return to combat. When the recruiter told me my combat disability would definately preclude me from any further service, I became enraged. I knew the answer before I called, and still I felt the need to punch down walls and kick in doors.

I have a "Gulf War Vet" hat with several pins on it that I wear from time to time. I also have shirts I have made with pictures of my brothers who didn't make it home alive. Anytime I wear these items the public seems to avoid me like the plague. If I don't wear anything military, I am treated the same as anyone else. What the heck is that? my anger tells me it is just a big foggy ignorance on the part of the public. How can we ever convey the tremendous sacrifices being made on thier behalf if they wont even look us in the eye?

I spend to much time apologising to my family, begging the lord to forgive me for what I have done, and being angry at the world to the point I often am afraid to leave the house because in war I discovered how much distruction I am capable of, and scared to death of how I might act, feeling large a dose of painful anger.

I truly am praying often and long. I never question my faith in the Lord, and still I am constantly angry and scared.
I can't seem to do anything different, and yet I somehow think things will change. Is that not the difinition of insanity.
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  #7  
Old 06-12-2005, 01:34 PM
Trooper
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Re: Anger

ABN

I Know your pain.

After getting home the war was too fresh to me, and almost instintively I trashed the Idiots around me, and a lot of Mlitary stuff I now wish that I'd kept for my Grandkids. Jesus never said It'd be easy, Only worth the fight.

From your backgroung I know you have the internals to get through this, but like in combat you can't do it all alone,

I'm here for you, thanks for sharing.
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  #8  
Old 06-12-2005, 06:20 PM
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danausmc danausmc is offline
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Re: Anger

Hey Ranger,
When I got home the only people I hung with were other Vets. Thats it. Took long years to even talk with other non vets. My boss for years was a F-4 pilot and flew off aircraft carriers....the other was a Pvt from the Army. With whats happening in Iraq and Afghanistan, every news report about how we are "losing" and its worse now than before.....really gets me upset and the folks around better stand by.

Its real hard when you start to think you "got it all together" and then just fall apart again.....someone once told me that God puts people in your path but the devil uses them......and not for good.

We are here and if you want just give us a yell.
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  #9  
Old 06-13-2005, 01:35 PM
Shawn Powell
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Re: Anger

Everyone...

Yes, Shawn is still alive and kicking....
I've been in Brunswick, GA for the last five weeks doing some more training for my job, sorry I haven't been in touch. I'm just south of Savannah, home of Ft Stewart and The Dirty Third... great Americans and Patriots all... fine warriors!

Just wanted to say situation normal, all is same-same. Hope you boys are good-to-go.

Shawn.
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  #10  
Old 06-25-2010, 02:12 PM
armywife armywife is offline
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Red face Not sure how to respond to husband's PTSD anger

I begin this post with a heavy heart. Let me start by saying that I just ran across this website today and I am already greatful for finding it. Here's my background and then I'll get into the meat of my post. I married a wonderful man who is also an Iraqi Freedom veteran from the war in 2003. I didn't know him before his deployment so I can't attest to the differences in him before and after his deployment. I sat at my desk today with tears streaming down my face after reading your posts about the anger you find yourselves having towards your wives. My husband suffers from PTSD and has many symptoms, the worst being anger. The situations you are describing happen under our roof on a weekly basis.

Now for the meat of my post. He agreed to seek PTSD counseling at the VA this spring. I was so relieved and he asked me to attend the sessions with him, which I was glad to do. But the feeling was short-lived when he stopped going after only two counseling sessions and would not tell me why. Realizing that he wouldn't go back and fearing another fit of rage if I broached the subject, I knew I couldn't consider asking him to go back to counseling again. Instead, I have immersed myself in resources on the internet and in books to help me understand PTSD. The good news is that I have found many resources that explain what PTSD is and what its symptoms are. The bad news is that I can't find anything about what spouses are supposed to do when faced with a fit of rage that seems to come from nowhere. I've been through all of the emotions, from guilt for thinking that his anger is a direct result of something I've done to resentment for having to walk on eggshells literally every minute of every day. On his good days, he is the most wonderful husband I could ever ask for. On his bad days, the emotional stress is becoming too much to bear.

So here's what I'm asking from all of you from a PTSD soldier's point of view: how am I supposed to respond during the intense rages of anger? Do I walk away to let him calm down? Do I play into it and apologize profusely for whatever he's angry at me about (most of the time he doesn't tell my why he's angry. He makes me try to figure it out)? It happens every 7 to 10 days, usually on weekends so I usually know its coming but sometimes it happens randomly, too. I just have absolutely no idea how I'm supposed to respond to him. Then one to three days later, he comes out of withdrawal and apologizes for being a jerk and then everythings fine for a few days.

I want to be supportive. I want him to know that I want to help him but I'm getting frustrated and I'm getting exhausted from trying to be perfect. I'm not a soldier and would never have the courage to be one but I'm fighting my own war and I don't have anyone to consult with about it. Please help. I'll take any advice you can give me. Books are good but people that have been through it are better.

God bless you all and thanks for reading my extremely long and venting post.

"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 3:4
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  #11  
Old 06-25-2010, 03:06 PM
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danausmc danausmc is offline
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welcome aboard.
I will send you some info. this is the same for everyone but different too. Check out severclearthemovie.com to see where he is coming from and don't ever blame yourself. this is an OPEN forum so if you want to chat privately you can send me a private message.
I have your message from the other PMIM site.
We had some problems here with our forums and had to revert to and older style so if you see guest, those members may not be able to post right now.
let me know if you have ANY problems.
Dana
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  #12  
Old 11-01-2010, 03:40 AM
Grandmom Grandmom is offline
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We dealt with anger issues ever since my husband came home from Viet Nam in 1971. No help from VA to get him back to non war life, we did it all on our own. We had some very difficult years. But he also was abused as a child growing up too! So he had double issues of anger, grew up without a father also.
The VA has him in counseling now, we'd put it all on hold in March, when he was diagnosed with Brain Cancer, but they want him to start back with the counseling again. Not sure he can handle it right now. He's going through alot, we all are!

Margee'
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Old 05-30-2011, 07:03 AM
Grandmom Grandmom is offline
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Now that my husband is dealing with Brain Cancer, our 3 grown daughters are so angry with each other. I'm at my wits end!
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