I need some guidance...

[DevildocBook]

I am new here at the forum and I don't really know how to be apart of this but, here it goes. I am still trying to deal with all kinds of issues. I want to make this all go away but it just seems to continue to eat at me. It is causeing me problems at work, at home, and just about everywhere else. I just want to know how to deal with myself. I don't like what is going on I don't know how to let GOD take control. I don't think I even know how to forgive myself. I just need some help. Any information would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,
Doc Book

[charlie wardog]

I will contact you later tonight:opps: . Can't talk right now

[Shawn Powell]

Doc,

Prayers are being said for you right now. Please keep posting and just share your heart, this is a safehouse for you... you are among brothers. We are works in progress, Doc. God is patient with us... our transformation toward healing, peace... toward Christlikeness is a day-to-day process... it truly is a life journey.

Let us know what we can do... if you want to talk 509-327-0773... it is long distance, sorry... and we may end up playing phone tag... but it doesn't hurt to talk to a live body if you're hurting.

Take care, Doc.

Shawn.

[Pointman69]

Doc Book - You're one step ahead of where most of us were a while ago. I was in complete dinial for over 30 years. I couldn't even admit there could be problems from Vietnam. I kept telling myself - that's all in the past and that's where it will stay! It didn't. Life deteriorated to where my marriage was on the rocks, my son moved out of the house while in his senior year of high school and I had been depressed so long that I couldn't see anything else to try that might make things better. I was sick of hurting inside and sick of hurting others around me, but I had no answers that would fix things.

After 30 years of failures, I knew the ability to change myself or situations was beyond the reach of my limited understanding and strength. I ahd to admit that I needed help. I went to our local Veteran's Service Office and researched PTSD. Found I had all the symtoms and started a claim. I'm went for individual counceling and still go to a group meeting every other week.

At the same time I turned to God. I'm going to a Point Man meeting every week and find it much more helpful than the VA. There were a lot of obsticles. Even though I had sincerely repeated the salvation prayer when I was a younster, I knew Jesus was not the Lord of my life. There were too many things I didn't want to give up to let Jesus be in control. A lot of those things are turning out to be skills I'd learned to survive in Vietnam, things I needed in order to cope with life that just wasn't right or fair. I had to be in control to protect myself from further hurt, anymore might tip the scales into insanity. How could I open up? How could I trust anyone else, even God?

At the VA, I found other vets really do care and want to listen. Most won't pound you with advice, they only share what they've been through. Some have moved forward, through the very things I'm currently dealing with, others are honest enough to ask how did you get where you are? We are all learning together.

Christain vets have the advantage of being able to share their struggles between flesh and spirit. We are all struggling with the same things, dealing with ourselves and our misunderstandings, letting God take control of our lives and forgiving ourselves. All I can tell for sure is that your issues are common and "normal" for what you've been through. You're not a mental migit or a weak person who can not just turn his life around. There's probably a million of us in the same boat.

In my denial, I blocked out everything, the bad, and, unfortunately all the good as well. God started to reveal the many times He supernaturally protected me - those times where there was no question that I had nothing to do with being alive, it was only because of his mercy. I was allowed to see that He really did love me - even thougt I did't deserve it. I couldn't explain it with my understanding and I struggled with that for a while.

He continues to show His faithfullness. I'm being convinced that He is the one who wants what is best for me. I'm starting to tell myself, look, even if I can't understand why, I need what God is offering. I don't have anything left that's worth keeping me separated from His healing. My fear of pain has already killed everything I wanted. What if just beleiving is OK, God says He gives us a measure of faith, it doesn't come from inside me. I can't grunt or stain enough to pop out faith - He says it's a gift. Why don't I just give up trying to earn it, and trust that the gift is there.

God says there are three things in life that are important, love, faith and hope. It's not our love, faith or hope that He's talking about - it's His, in us. We can't make them happen but they already exist in His spirit. Jesus promised to send the comforter to us. Being born again only happens when God's spirit is placed in us. My fear of what might happen by handing over control, fights with what my spirit knows is the best thing for me. That is a continuing struggle for all of us, but we can learn from and remind each other of the real progess we see God doing in each of us.

Remember, God is never late, or early in bringing those things into our lives that finally cause us to desire, then accept the best He's already prepared for us. I used to feel guilty about all the years I waisted trying my best to do things in my understanding. But God reminds me - that's what it took for me to reach that point where I could even consider giving up control to Him. I'm not anywhere near totally trusting Him or giving Him full time control of my life, but that doesn't bother Him as long as I trun back after going out on my own and screwing things up again. I'm learning to love the fact that He has infinite patience and forgiveness.

He isn't sitting on His thrown worrying how many times it will take for me to learn. He knows how it comes out. His thoughts toward me are of peace and not of evil. If He isn't worried, why should I?

Please take what you need and put the rest on a back shelf where the holy spirit can pull it off when the time is right. Check all things according to God's word - don't accept anything that doesn't line up. We're all struggling along the same path and we will make it together, He promises it. God bless you on your journey, you're not alone.

[Shawn Powell]

Doc,

It's Shawn again... just wanted to say thank you for your service... and welcome home.

PAMWE CHETE. That was the motto of the Selous Scouts of Rhodesia in the late 70's. It means "Together Only"... that's how we're gonna get through this, Doc. Please keep posting.

[charlie wardog]

Shane, HOw do you know about Rhodesia? We have a Veteran in our Outpost from Rhodesia who fought for 3 years in the late 70's.

[charlie wardog]

Feel free to call me also. I sent you some info but I as well as others here are sincere when we say call us. Most guys especially Vets hold back and do not want to appear weak.

God created us to be able to handle certain situations. We were not born with the ability to go to war and then come back as if nothing happened. Some of us deal with it and others struggle with it.

God gives us a choice to either accept what has happended and let him deal with it or struggle without him.

Are you a christian? Or have you accepted Christ as your Savior? If yes great, if no do you want to?

I would say get connected with a church but most churches can not deal with military stuff or they do not understand it. However, you need to find a bible believing and preaching church.
Thank you for your service and sacrifice. Call me anytime at 740-522-6724 (home) or 740-814VETS (cell)

[ajusmc]

Doc, the hardest part is giving into Christ himself. As many of the others have said, he is very patient. The whole time that we look for answers within ourselves, trying to end our denial of our past. The lord waits for us to turn to him.

Keep posting Doc, we all will listen and read and do our best to help you thru to Christ.

[Stickthrower]

DOC,

First, WELCOME HOME AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!!

Believe what the other guys said ahead of me! We have all been were you are now at some point in time. And I echo what Pointman69 said about denial. I am the Grand Marshall of Denial!

I have to keep telling myself to "JUST GIVE CONTROL TO GOD AS HE HAS GOT TO DO A BETTER JOB THAN I CAN". When I thought I was in control, I was really totally out of control. Now I know that, but I struggle each day and pray daily for strenth to be a better son to God, a better husband, and father to my children.

Just keep posting and working with this forum. We will all help you and answer any questions we can. Just remember, we are brothers to the end, and we will understand. We may not have all the answers, but we will try to help any way we can or get the answers for you if at all possible.

Trust us when we say we know about anger, depression, lack ability to connect with people in general, or any of the other symptoms listed on the site about PTSD!

You are in our prayers!

[Dean Black]

Hey Doc, I cast my vote with all of the awesome advice that my brothers have given to you already. I post from time to time but I mostly read what the others are discussing. My name is Dean and if you want to talk I am available 24/7 at 704-827-2837 and I will also be praying for you. God bless.
Dean :opps:

[Shawn Powell]

Shane, HOw do you know about Rhodesia? We have a Veteran in our Outpost from Rhodesia who fought for 3 years in the late 70's.

WAAARDOG!!!!!

I do alot of reading, I love small unit tactics and the camaraderie that develops between the guys in units like the Selous Scouts. They were some badasses. Plus PAMWE CHETE really has a heart connection with me.

Screamin Eagles, baby boy!!!!

Shawn.

[Shawn Powell]

Doc,

Good Morning you great American!!!
It's a little overcast today in the great Pacific Inland Northwest... hope your fairing a little better down your way.

Doc, a wonderful book to get is NAMVET... it addresses everything a warrior experiences upon getting back from combat... dealing with the struggles of PTSD. Plus it encourages turning to Jesus and letting Him "fireman carry" you through the challenges you will and are facing.

God Bless, Doc.

Shawn.

[DevildocBook]

I just want to say that you all are awesome and I thank God that you are here. Don't be suprised if I call a few of you. I thank you all so very much. I am currently at work so this is short but thank you all so much for responding.

[Shawn Powell]

Roger, Dust Off...

Out.

[charlie wardog]

Call anytime! We love you man.

[Don Dodson]

DevilDocBook: Thanks for your posting! I am fairly new, too, and am always amazed by the ourpouring of support from our brothers in this forum. I guess you get the picture, we are all on the same journey and need each others prayers and support and experience.

I like what one of the guys posted, that the Christian vet has an advantage over the non-Christian because we know who is thre REAL Commander and Chief: no one less than God Almighty, Creater, Commander, Redeemer, Savior and Abba [original Bible language for "daddy"]. We also know God loves us and has already cut the orders for our eventual transfer to be with Him in Heaven. No more struggles, no more failures, no more disappointments and falling short! Praise God!

We also know who the real enemy is, fallen angel Lucifer, the father of lies, yes Satan himself. When you start to feel like PTSD is in remission, he will stalk you like a hungry lion and hope you slip up; hoping to snare you in something you will feel really bad about so he can jump in your face and tell you "God can't be real, or you wouldn't feel this bad." He'll entice you to think you are alone and can't get out of the box you're in. BALLONEY! I think what you are reading here is hang on, keep posting, praying and learning.

The good news is that God uses lots of different techniques and people to help us recover. One of the most dramatic for me is a technique called EMDR (www.emdr.com (http://www.emdr.com/)) which helps the brain off-load the traumatic survival signals our brains naturally wrote to the "ROM" (read only memory) during bad stuff. It is NOT hypnosis and no body else puts any ideas into your mind. It is simulating God's hard wire design of our brains in rapid eye movement sleep (REM) which is part of the process the unconcious brain-mind uses to get rid of bad stuff. In PTSD, the normal dumping process of the limbic system in the brain is kind of shut down and can use some earth-bound techniques to assist the spiritual healing. Think of it like prune juice for the emotional command center of the brain.

Anyway, PTSD is manageable. But, I've never met someone who really manages it alone. Thank you for your service, WELCOME HOME! You are in my prayers!

Don Dodson
DodsonOboeVet@NorthernTrail.net

[DevildocBook]

:dog: As I look for the answers that will help me, according to all of you the answers are all right in front of me. I know I have to give myself to God. I just need to listen to all of your guidance and do my best to let go? I hope I am right in saying that. I want to say I appreciate all of your support. I have also found a small support group in Lejuene to help as well so, hopefully that will play a big part in my continuous recovery. I want you all to know I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are without a doubt a great support team. I know I am by no means out of the water yet and still feel overwelmed for the most part but, I know someone cares. That in it's is awesome. Thank you for the concern you show. I have to go for now I hope to be back soon.

Shannon

[ajusmc]

Shannon, many never can see what is in front of them. You have already started with opening your mind and sprit. The Lord will guide you if you let him, and remember all of us here for you.

[Shawn Powell]

Doc-

How've you been, you Great American? You devoted Patriot! You life-impacter! You changer of men's hearts! You Mighty Man of God!!

Been thinking about you, my brother! Hope all is well with you... let us know what's going on... need a SITREP, hooah?

Shawn.

[ReconSGT_OIF]

At my church we have a group on tuesday nights called "Celebrate Recovery". You may have seen me talk about it before. It has changed my life. I am involved in the anger/depression group and we have several vietnam vets in there too. They have helped me talk through alot of issues and stuff. But one thing I did two months ago is I re-committed myself to God and chose to make a CONSCIOUS effort every day to stop letting the symptoms of PTSD control my life. Now I do realise that there are some things that just happen and we have to learn to live with them, but what I'm talking about is Im not going to hide from the world anymore. I used to be to the point that I WOULD NOT go outside unless it was to church. Recently I went to the mall on a saturday, which is a BIG step for me... and I started a conversation with a COMPLETE STRANGER... another HUGE step for me. I realised I had let PTSD completely rule my life. A friend of mine once told me "Don't be your diagnosis". I took it hard when he said it, but later I gave it thought and he was right. My God is bigger than PTSD! He said he would not put me in a situation I could not handle. So, I realised that by myself I could not do it, but with Jesus I can look past the past and walk into the future. I can't change what happened in Iraq. The memories and pictures and sights and smells and sounds will always be a part of me now, but life for me had to move on.

there you go, my 2centswort .

[Pointman69]

ReconSGT - So glad to hear your perspective is changing. That's one of the main things God is doing in us. When we start seeing things from the view of His spirit, we open ourselves up for the bessings He has waiting for us. Without that change in attitude, we are not ready for some blessings, but He loves us anyway and will wait until we are.

I have to watch out for taking on too much at one time. After 30 years of isolating, I step back every once in awhile and my mind says, "What are you doing? You've taken so many risks, some of them are bound to come back and bring you hurt!" Then fear sets in and I isolate to protect myself again. But He is longsuffering. He waits with me until I can bring myself to trust Him in all things again. He is truely awsome!

[DevildocBook]

Well Guys, I had a relaps and I am back into heavy treatment. The Navy has stepped up big time to help, but it doesn't change how I feel inside. I am currently an instructor for combat medicine (FMF Corpsmen) I have learned that over the last three years I have been re-living my injury or what ever it's called.I have heard all sorts of terms for it. I also have learned that I haven't forgiven myself for a lot of things. That's why I haven't been doing so well. I was also dumb eneough to think that after 3 years of not being in combat that I could watch a documentary on the military channel about a specific battle I was in. I had no idea that the battle was the story I was just watching the "Fight for Fallujah", and it just so happened to be about the battle that broke me. Not only did I watch it. I watched it 3 times. WOW! How dumb is that. Anyway I am just checking in. I haven't been here in a while and felt that I needed to stop by. Thanks again for listening.

Shannon

[danausmc]

Well Guys, I had a relaps and I am back into heavy treatment. The Navy has stepped up big time to help, but it doesn't change how I feel inside. I am currently an instructor for combat medicine (FMF Corpsmen) I have learned that over the last three years I have been re-living my injury or what ever it's called.I have heard all sorts of terms for it. I also have learned that I haven't forgiven myself for a lot of things. That's why I haven't been doing so well. I was also dumb eneough to think that after 3 years of not being in combat that I could watch a documentary on the military channel about a specific battle I was in. I had no idea that the battle was the story I was just watching the "Fight for Fallujah", and it just so happened to be about the battle that broke me. Not only did I watch it. I watched it 3 times. WOW! How dumb is that. Anyway I am just checking in. I haven't been here in a while and felt that I needed to stop by. Thanks again for listening.

Shannon

Shannon,
Send me a private e-mail or I will send you one. I have some stuff I can send to you.
my e-mail is danausmc@earthlink.net or Dana@PMIM.org
either way it will get to me.

also ....you can call our hotline anytime at 800-877-8387

There is some resource information at the www.pmim.org website too.

[Richard G. Shuster]

Hello Shannon,

Please check-out the following website, V.V.A. approved and discusses PTSD and other important issues in some depth and detail.

www.veteranshealthdigest.org (http://www.veteranshealthdigest.org)

Our local V.V.A. Chapter has worked closely with the University of Nevada Reno providing several PTSD panel sessions for Psyc/Soc professionals. It is good for the clinicians and has proven to be good for us as Veterans, too.

If you wish to chat outside this site, please email to rgsjesshuster@att.net

Rick

Vietnam Era Vet (Corpsman)
Father of 3 Gulf War Era Vets (one a 100% disabled Corpsman)

[chapmic]

Well Guys, I had a relaps and I am back into heavy treatment. The Navy has stepped up big time to help, but it doesn't change how I feel inside. I am currently an instructor for combat medicine (FMF Corpsmen) I have learned that over the last three years I have been re-living my injury or what ever it's called.I have heard all sorts of terms for it. I also have learned that I haven't forgiven myself for a lot of things. That's why I haven't been doing so well. I was also dumb eneough to think that after 3 years of not being in combat that I could watch a documentary on the military channel about a specific battle I was in. I had no idea that the battle was the story I was just watching the "Fight for Fallujah", and it just so happened to be about the battle that broke me. Not only did I watch it. I watched it 3 times. WOW! How dumb is that. Anyway I am just checking in. I haven't been here in a while and felt that I needed to stop by. Thanks again for listening.

Shannon


Shannon, There a ton of Retreats being conducted all over the Nation with your peers. I have attended 11 of them on the West Coast. Call and I will try to find you one in your area. I the meantime, keep checking in with us here. You have friends in High Places here. Mic 520-795-2223

[chapmic]

Good day men. Seems like our PTSD thread went on sabatical. Just a reminder that the members of Pointman across the nation, have, in their hearts and minds, a ton of knowledge and tools for coping with PTSD. Please do not be afraid to ask. The power of the Holy Spirit coupled with the fund of experience of this group is transformative. Mic/PTSD Counselor/ Mentor: Merritt Retreat Center/

[Don Dodson]

Mic: Echo, echo, echo .... I must admit that I have not checked in lately, between main computer crash, preparation to retire which I did last Thursday!, and my Mom-In-Law in hospital. This is a very valuable place for all of us to check in and share our hurts and healings. As has been pointed out, we are still human beings with all of the residue left from our various experiences, but we have the Great Physician on our team to come along side and help us with our healing process. Praise God for He is Faithful and Good. Don "Oboeman" Dodson, PMIM La Mesa (Vietnam 1969-1970)

[chapmic]

QUOTE=Don Dodson;14438]Mic: Echo, echo, echo .... I must admit that I have not checked in lately, between main computer crash, preparation to retire which I did last Thursday!, and my Mom-In-Law in hospital. This is a very valuable place for all of us to check in and share our hurts and healings. As has been pointed out, we are still human beings with all of the residue left from our various experiences, but we have the Great Physician on our team to come along side and help us with our healing process. Praise God for He is Faithful and Good. Don "Oboeman" Dodson, PMIM La Mesa (Vietnam 1969-1970)[/QUOTE]


Nice to know that we are all out here in cyberspace doggin' down the Holy Spirit. Mike

[fgtone]

I'm checking in after a long absence myself. Did you get some direction in regard to your post? If not, I would be happy to dialogue with you. My email is frank@hopecoming.com.

[chapmic]

I'm checking in after a long absence myself. Did you get some direction in regard to your post? If not, I would be happy to dialogue with you. My email is frank@hopecoming.com.


No, I have not heard from a single soul. Are we all healed and content? Oh por mi Dios should that be true. Yeah sure, lets chat. Mic

[chapmic]

Are all of our Outposts gearing up for the near 80.000 troops that will be rotating in the next 20 months? Most cities now have Governors Roundtables for Faith Based Organizations. Check with your State Governments to see if you can participate. They are really good about Outreach.

[Louonamac]

New here myself but certainly identify.

A journalist friend spent about nine years trying to convince me to write a biography or have it written, finally giving in a couple of years ago as PTSD as it relates to vets has been close to the heart and believing that my life is all I have to give away.

I was one of those who were 'off the charts', finding that much of what we face is spiritual warfare which I was not equipped for and why I lost that battle for the mind, having been equated with the "Legion" of Mark 5 and Luke 8 and something that had to be documented.

Will just offer some links to the biography (no need to pay for a fancy book cover) but can say that I was also 40 years in the wilderness after Vietnam and considered beyond helping when things went all the way to total insanity and beyond.
Many things I did not know how to write about that required a lot of help, but hope the effort will help some in seeing a guy who was perhaps worse off than most and brought back by God's grace and mercy, finding that it really began in laying myself at the feet of Jesus with no conditions at all, just giving all I had which is enough, all we have is enough to give to God.

http://www.amazon.com/Gods-Maniac-Louis-Talley/product-reviews/1933582375/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

http://www.4shared.com/file/179883028/aeb8746b/Post_Traumatic_Stress-1.html

http://www.4shared.com/file/179726915/78cd3adc/Backup_of_Gods_Maniac_1.html

http://www.4shared.com/file/179884834/2dd16000/polygraph-1.html

Always available.

Lou Talley
Vietnam '66-'67
Give hugs, take naps