PTSD Homework

[Shawn Powell]

Here's the new thread... the title is from one of Mic's posts, I'm thinking he'll initiate it from this point, right?

God Bless,

Shawn.

[danausmc]

I will stand by here, and wait on Mike.

[chapmick]

Okay troops, I am getting my grid coordinates straight before I fire! Give me another 24 to figure out which part of our homework I will post first. I have collected a variety of materials both from our current group, and the 3 week In-Patient program I completed in December of 2001 at the V.A. Hospital in Tucson, Arizona. This site cannot accept attachments- is that correct? Mic

[ajusmc]

Mic, this forum is set to accept attachments. If you have troubles posting them, I'll see if I can fix the trouble when I get home from work tonight.

[chapmick]

Since I jsut learned that I can send attachments to the posting, I sending this one forward to see if I did it correctly. The homework material will follow if I am on the right track. Mic

[chapmick]

The process of abstracting, or of leaving characteristics OUT, is and indespensible convenience when we are ANGRY. It is damnably easy to just say,or think, "I hate incompetence", without ever having to be specific about what emotions were triggered in us-- in the shadow of incompetence. Therefore, our anger overides any and all useful information, and or, calm dialogue, that could enlighten our thoughts about the 'incompetent' and the observer. We spent several sessions deciphering where we were on the "Abstraction Ladder" , when we were mad as hell. If nothing else,it slows down those self-destructive "instant" and "sarcastic" responses that we are so accustomed to spewing forth. We also learned in this exercise,how "sarcasm" is often the flip side of basic hostility, and how often we distance ourselves from our mates and friends with the 'viper tongue' ability to level someone. And then we end up alone and feeling gulity.
So the homework was to sort out the real specifics of what was setting us off, before going to the top of the ladder. A bit much, I know, but then it is hard to share the workings of real live people in a group. Nevertheless, this exercise proved to be useful for all of us.
Again remember Paul's passage in scripture; "In our weakness we come to our full strength" God Bless Veterans

[Shawn Powell]

Okay... this is making my head hurt a little. If I perceive someone to be an enemy or a problem, if he really pisses me off and the obvious solution is to eradicate said problem... then I need to not look at generalities but specifics? More or less that is what is being said... right?

Shawn.

[snowyowl]

My head hurts looking at that "thing"
Said cow has been shot and on the barbie! Who wants ribs? Ah, burgers are over there.

[danausmc]

My head hurts looking at that "thing"
Said cow has been shot and on the barbie! Who wants ribs? Ah, burgers are over there.


Good one Owl, good one.

[Trooper]

My head hurts looking at that "thing"
Said cow has been shot and on the barbie! Who wants ribs? Ah, burgers are over there.


Shot Cow????

Yea shot cow!!!!

On second thought, I'm sure I was out of town that day. At least that's what my Defence Atourney told me to say.

[danausmc]

Well now that we are all vying for the title of class clown, this thing makes my head hurt too.

Seems to me that if you step back and look at what sets you off in the first place you can recognize the triggers and rither deal with it by talking it out in a group or one on one, with a close friend that wont let you off when you dance around the issue in the first place.

I think when we see in others what really upsets us about our own selves, we begin to look for and not eliminate those things that are on this ladder.

People around you aint going to change. So if you want to start making life easier for yourself, you only have a couple choices.

I) You have to look at your self
2) really look at yourself
3) Decide if you like being a jerk
4) if you say yes, then do nothing
5) if you say no , you have to change
6) change might only mean you need to change your perspective
7) Change dont mean you have to let others walk all over you
8) there is a lot of things you cannot change, but then there is a lot that you can do about who you are and how you react.
9) the war is with ourselves, not with each other

Someone has posted in this forum some time ago and the gist was that the others were just dancing around the issues and not doing anything positive, or confronting their issues. Now that really made me angry. those were not the exact words, but my recollection of it.

I was on another forum and someone was complaining about the VA. OK, everyone has had a problem there at one time or another. If you watch in some of these threads, only a couple come forward and offer some help, but many others just complain and then say they dont give a damn. I watched as someone offered some information and help and the ones complaining ripped into this person like they were killing their sacred cow.

I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS FORUM OR THE FEW....


Well if you dont give a damn, shut up and suck it up. Or if you really care, start doing something. You can be part of the problem or part of the solution. Its that simple.

Make a list of what sets you off. See where you can change. Be real. Remember the other person will not change. What will change is your response to any situation, and then their response to you will change because "you" are "different". If they cant see some difference in you, you will never see any change in your interaction with others.

But thats too simple.

[danausmc]

Besides that , if you start out with a chip or preconceived idea, you will always get bit in the backend. Its important to be cautious, but not to the point of paranoia.
Gentle as doves but wise as serpents?
Where have I heard that before?
Too much dove or too much snake makes you vulnerable either way.

Now my head really hurts.

Thanks for starting this out Mike. I see a lot of potential here.

S/F
Dana

[danausmc]

But then this ladder is good for sorting out where and what set you off, where do you actually confront the anger in the first place?

Looks to me like this process and the one I described only identify symptoms and not causes......like how do you get rid of the anger that is inside of all of us?

Lou hit on it in an earlier post when he said that it is just under the surface/

If the anger was not always present, then the triggers dont matter.

Shawn says sometimes he thinks his prayers only go as far as the ceiling. Anger is still there. What do the shrinks say about that? Anyone know?
I dont..

This is really good....Im going to shut up for awhile and let someone else step in.

Dana

[chapmick]

WELP as Reagan use to say, I guess I'll try another set of grid coordinates before the next salvo. Thanks Dana, for the bit of praise for those that try. Like I said at the end of the post, it is real hard to share material that is intended for gorup discussion not just for reading. But what the hell, it started discussion alright! So yes Shawn,the thrust of the exercise was to tear away the generalities of our anger and chase down the real specifics of what 'triggers us" When you capture the "trigger' You are halfway there to eliminating the demons of rage. I kind of thought that post was a bit much but I thought I would float it anyhow. "Feedback is the Breakfast of Champions" So thanks all. Funny thing is that one of my 'triggers' used to be the lack of recognition (from others) for the genuine effort that an individual may be putting forth to accomplish any given task. I was always the first to spot the "****bird". Not anymore. The Bible helped with that habit! Now I give a little more consideration to the "capability" factor of who I am dealing with. I basically stopped being a Sergeant!

[danausmc]

WELP as Reagan use to say, I guess I'll try another set of grid coordinates before the next salvo. Thanks Dana, for the bit of praise for those that try. Like I said at the end of the post, it is real hard to share material that is intended for gorup discussion not just for reading. But what the hell, it started discussion alright! So yes Shawn,the thrust of the exercise was to tear away the generalities of our anger and chase down the real specifics of what 'triggers us" When you capture the "trigger' You are halfway there to eliminating the demons of rage. I kind of thought that post was a bit much but I thought I would float it anyhow. "Feedback is the Breakfast of Champions" So thanks all. Funny thing is that one of my 'triggers' used to be the lack of recognition (from others) for the genuine effort that an individual may be putting forth to accomplish any given task. I was always the first to spot the "****bird". Not anymore. The Bible helped with that habit! Now I give a little more consideration to the "capability" factor of who I am dealing with. I basically stopped being a Sergeant!


Mike, I thought it was really great....there are, or were, twelve people reading this thread as you were writing your response. That is great....if what you have written and what has been said in response, causes just one to re-evaluate and readjust their thinking in a positive manner, YOU have been successful and our goal has been accomplished.

Not a bit much, just lots to digest. lets go to the next step. How did your group finally get to some agreement on this "ladder"??

There is more to it and I think you should keep at it.
Thanks again. I was shocked to see how many were looking when I went to post on another thread.
Good job.
Thanks Mike.

[chapmick]

I really like number 9 on Dana's last list. It is so true that it hurts. The biggest hunk of our anger is "INTRA" personal long before it is INTER-PERSONAL. And I also identify with Shawn's expression of his prayer only going to the 'Ceiling". That is a tough one too, especailly when it leads us back to an undrstanding that it is often our projected anticipation of an answer to our prayer that preceeds 'Gods Will'. The first gets stuck on the ceiling the latter has to be sought.

[danausmc]

I really like number 9 on Dana's last list. It is so true that it hurts. The biggest hunk of our anger is "INTRA" personal long before it is INTER-PERSONAL. And I also identify with Shawn's expression of his prayer only going to the 'Ceiling". That is a tough one too, especailly when it leads us back to an undrstanding that it is often our projected anticipation of an answer to our prayer that preceeds 'Gods Will'. The first gets stuck on the ceiling the latter has to be sought.

real profound Mike.....the first gets stuck on the ceiling....you think its because we dont allow God to be God in our lives?

[Trooper]

If your prayer get stuck on the ceiling, maybe you need to think about tearing the ceiling off. Others did, just to get to Jesus.

Have a Blessed Easter!

[Trooper]

Dana

I stand corrected about being the Class Clown, and am repentant.


Chapmick

Your grid coordinates are right on target. Fire for effect!

[danausmc]

Hey, thats a good point Jack. Tear off the ceiling and .........away ya go......probably less chance of bumping your head if the rapture happens right then too!!

[lydiane]

Holy Toledo, we ain't just a bunch of PTS Vets--we're Theologians man!!
Have a "no ceiling" Easter Gents!

[usmc26th]

At frist it went over my head, now I pick alot of things I can do for myself andfor others, no.9 is a good one, but the that I need to work on, is the not being recognized for what I do or try to say, that brings my anger to the surface real fast, So this will help. I maynot aways post, But I always read and think about it. Thanks everyone

[Trooper]

USMC26th

It's not easy for any of us. No man wants to be ignored, what we do and say is a big part of who we are. Know that your in Our Prayers!

[chapmick]

Here is this weeks discussion outline. Check it out and I will add some narrative tomorrow. I am puckered out from watching "Band of Brothers" and the History of the 101st Airborne Screaming Eagles.
Think of how those apostles felt the day after the resurrection--pretty bold I'll bet! By next Easter we will all be bold apostles in our own rights-Eh?

[snowyowl]

Chapmick, good info, I believe this will take a loong time for me to digest. Here's my take-Vietnam wasn't our native country "We went back to the World" but for the Vietnamese who were stuck in that place and time with no way out of it-what then-I've had to deal with Disassociation within my family members for more than twenty years, I'm tired, worn out, numb and resultant factors I live with and other individuals (BG's) could try something at anytime, it's a fact I live with every day for the rest of my life here, my Spiritual Vietnam will end when I pass on and not until then. I have upset too many people for my stand for Christ and for my marriage. I have ROCKED many, many boats. And I'm staying the course because I know who and what is at stake.
James 1 gets into this but counting as Joy is hard at the moment. Didn't say it was easy though! 2centswort

[chapmick]

Been a little under the weather. I will add a little more background to that homework tomorrow or the next day. Nice to see we have visitors and onlookers. It makes feel connected to something bigger than myself. Mic

[usmc26th]

Been a little under the weather. I will add a little more background to that homework tomorrow or the next day. Nice to see we have visitors and onlookers. It makes feel connected to something bigger than myself. Mic

I hope you get to feeling better, we will be praying for you, That's some good infro, Thanks

[Shawn Powell]

Here is this weeks discussion outline. Check it out and I will add some narrative tomorrow. I am puckered out from watching "Band of Brothers" and the History of the 101st Airborne Screaming Eagles.
Think of how those apostles felt the day after the resurrection--pretty bold I'll bet! By next Easter we will all be bold apostles in our own rights-Eh?

Yes! Bold apostles fueled by Fluoxetine and Prazosin...! Gentlemen, the kindly VA has begun an aggressive offensive on my spirit, soul and body! It took them only two (2) days to inundate me with meds, consults and samples and smears of everything the human body is capable of secreting... not to mention several thousand vials of blood they required as well. Oh, and they wanna SCOPE me, too. Awesome.

The sacred cow comment that Dana mentioned earlier... I think I get it. We cling to our predispositions... it gives us what we may think is our purpose, right? "My purpose is to thrash anyone and anything that has to do with... fill in the blank." And when those sacred cows... geez, how about IDOLS... are identified as the reason for crippling us... (cows, idols, addictions...?) Our purpose or security or what we perceive as our reason for existing is threatened... I guess... right?

My anger/rage keeps people away. I prefer it that way... if I freak on them, they run. They may think me a lunatic, but it serves my purpose... they stay away. A buddy tells me that I got an anger problem... and now my cow is threatened as it provides the security I need in dealing with my wounds. SO... how do I deal with my wounds if the salve that serves it's medicating purpose is a problem and must be dealt with?? I knew this forum would be a little frightening, bros.

All of the scripture that speaks of holding your tongue, be slow to anger, the folly of an angry man, a soft answer turns away wrath, etc... I want to ask the Lord, "Now how exactly do you do that?"

And I like the thought of ripping the ceiling off to get to Jesus. Duh, thanks Jack. How but not just ripping it off, how bout we prep the mofo with 155 for 15 mikes, then send some Maverick and Hellfire missiles into the AO courtesy of AH-1 Apaches... and then send in the ground pounders to waste anything left of the enemy that's still moving and attempting to throw more lies around at you. Yeah, bro... I agree with you Jack... rip off the ceiling, hooah?

Mic, ready for the next one... keep em coming...!!

Shawn.

[Trooper]

Shawn

I like your idea of Preping the AO with 155mm. A few Years ago the Lord reviled to me that covering a series of thoughts, feelings or negative actions with Prayer is like calling in a battery of 8" SP on them.

Like you I used my anger to distance myself from people. "He's crazy, leave him alone!" When God called me into the ministry I soon realized that I really didn't like people. After I stopped fighting the call on my life and accepted His invitation, I was instantly being forced to deal with them on a very close intimate leavel. Talk about leaving your Comfort Zone!

I soon went to the Lord and told Him I couldn't do this. His answer was, He Knew that I couldn't. But that He could, if I was willing to allow Him to work through me. The OP plan he gave me was to Prep the area with Prayer. And when things got rough to call in "Fire for Effect!" on my pre-plots.

It isn't easy, But it works. I found it's hard to dislike or distance yourself from someone your Praying for continually.

[danausmc]

Shawn

I like your idea of Preping the AO with 155mm. A few Years ago the Lord reviled to me that covering a series of thoughts, feelings or negative actions with Prayer is like calling in a battery of 8" SP on them.

Like you I used my anger to distance myself from people. "He's crazy, leave him alone!" When God called me into the ministry I soon realized that I really didn't like people. After I stopped fighting the call on my life and accepted His invitation, I was instantly being forced to deal with them on a very close intimate leavel. Talk about leaving your Comfort Zone!

I soon went to the Lord and told Him I couldn't do this. His answer was, He Knew that I couldn't. But that He could, if I was willing to allow Him to work through me. The OP plan he gave me was to Prep the area with Prayer. And when things got rough to call in "Fire for Effect!" on my pre-plots.

It isn't easy, But it works. I found it's hard to dislike or distance yourself from someone your Praying for continually.

WHOOOOOOAAAAA!!!!

Guess I better re evaluate my thoughts and prayers here to and step them up. Been a little slack in that area.
Sounds like Trooper is talking about me.

[Trooper]

WHOOOOOOAAAAA!!!!

Guess I better re evaluate my thoughts and prayers here to and step them up. Been a little slack in that area.
Sounds like Trooper is talking about me.


Dana

The Book I read says "we've all fallen short". I preach as much to myself as I do to others!

[Shawn Powell]

Hey Mic--

I'm ready for more stuff! You in the AO?

Shawn.

[chapmick]

Yup still in the AO. Just got a bit sidetracked with some "Psyops'! I fell behind in a class I am taking at the Universtity here, and I had to restructure my days. Finished now. Got a 'B'. I am jazzed that I still have an ounce or two of discipline in me!
Our Group that meets every Wednesday at the Vet Center, has reconfigured itself also,and I think that some of the subject matter than is on the horizon will be of some interest to the participants and viewers of this Thread. A little less formal, and little more personal. We are going to begin talking about; "how we know that we know that we are getting better" with the symptoms to PTS. Most of us have been in this Group for over a year and a half now and we all know each other quite well. Many have become social friends,and attend Church together. Therefore we can track how the other ones are doing without much effort. The Center has also launched a Wives Group. Now we are really in trouble!
So, starting with the next post I will relay some of the stuff we started with today; like the lessening of biting sarcasm in social settings.
I will seya down the trail said Bouncin' Betty

[Trooper]

chapmick

I like what you said about being accountable to others in the group. In the ministry I work with we stress accountablity. The men in the program to us, and Us to the men in the program, and even to our fellow pastors.

As for meeting your friend Betty along the trail, I'm looking forward to meeting her again. I got unfinished buisness with the Lady.

[snowyowl]

Which one? The woman or the gal that blows up everytime I/we take a step into her field??? :hurt:

[danausmc]

Which one? The woman or the gal that blows up everytime I/we take a step into her field??? :hurt:


Thats probably the one. You should see the e-mails I get criticizing what we do or dont do.....and usually from someone that knows way more about how or what I think than I do.....ain't life grand.

how are you doing by the way??

[Trooper]

Which one? The woman or the gal that blows up everytime I/we take a step into her field??? :hurt:

Dana is right, that's the Betty I was refering to! My flashbacks aren't timid about jumping up and biteing me in the butt or elsewhere.

I like the mental image of the Bounging Betty, as related to PTSD.

[snowyowl]

How am I doing?
Trying to get some job retraining lined up, don't know if it'll happen. My life is pretty much up in the air and has been for a couple of years--been running blowtorches on both ends of the proverbial candle for many years. Since last January is the first time my life slowed down to a crawl, I'm not objecting only reflecting... Also trying to qualify for disability, FWIW.

[chapmick]

snowyowl, Do you have a VSO for your Disability Claim? do you need any help or advice? Mic

[snowyowl]

Chapmick,
Unfortunately my PTSD and Depression are not Service-Connected in any way. Shall we say it's related to "other life events" about 15 years after I left active duty.

[chapmic]

Our group at the Vet Center has reconvened. Got some dudes that have been in the system since 86' One gent went through a PTSD progarm in Maine in 1986! Wow, I was still pretending to be "okay" then! At any rate, there is some real collective wisdom in this group. Would any of you like to start up the PTSD "homework' again?

[ajusmc]

Welcome back Mic, your more than welcome to start it going again

[chapmic]

Okay then, I will "fire when up". The subject last Friday was; "How do you know that you know when your're improving"? Four members of this group(of course no names- ever) did the intensive in-patient treatment. Meaning we were given some pretty useful tools for our PTSD mechanic's work. I would guess that the symptom of 'irritability', is one that pans across the board for alot of PTS folk. That makes it a good benchmark for marking progress. And also one that can be plugged into the hope that we will all one day achieve "the peace that surpasses all understanding" that Jesus promised- yes promised.
I love the phrase "understanding is the booby prize", because sometimes having an intellectual understanding of the how and why of my PTS, means zip! I just want the crap to vanish. I do not want to understand it better!! Well,then you slip back to denial. And here is where Jesus returns for me,as I remember that the Spirit helps us in our weakness. (Romans 8:26) And "who by taking up thought can add a cubit to their stature".
Nevertheless,it seems to help to have some benchmark of gauging where we are in the "irritability" column. So tell us how you know that some things have improved?

[Stickthrower]

Chapmic,

I think this is a great idea. Due to problems & lack of attendence the Ellensburg Out post is temporarily closed. I would very much like to participate in this. I need all the help I can get!

Irritability is definately one of my greatest benchmarks. When I think I have returned to "normal" and no longer need to do my homework is about the time I start to notice I seem to be irritated a lot. Then I know I need to start back at the bottom and regain the territory I have lost to Satan. I guess that is the Lords way of gently reminding me that without Him I am nothing.

That is one of my greatest symtoms. My 12 yo daughter put it best when she told me how much she loved me one night and then said "I really like my Daddy a lot better now that you are praying, going to Church, and most of all don't seem to be mad at me". That was the best thing my child ever said to me!

Whenever I start to backslide, I remind myself of that conversation. It is a great motivator, believe me.

[Pointman69]

Great idea - like many of us, I wish the process wasn't so cyclic. Frank summed it up for me, every time those feelings of "I'm OK," arise, that's when I get irritable. As Frank said, that's the time I decide to take control, then irritation boils up over anything that doesn't go the way IIIIIII think it should.

I can't imagine how hard it is for those who don't have the option of turning back to Jesus, asking forgiveness for my missing it again, and starting a fresh with His mercy and grace.

It's humbling, as it must be, but it's the hope we must pass on to others.

[Reconvic]

Mic I also have PTSD service connected if you need help let me know.
My flew thru faster then the other disabilites that are service connected.
Dana and AJ know my E-Mail contact me for help!
Semper Fi Vic

[chapmic]

Yes, "cylcic" indeed. I suppose that is why the professionals tell us that PTSD is a permanent bio-chemical condition- and they do mean permanent, as it can now be shown on MRI"S that we have much different brains.
So I say, GREAT, now I know who my opponet is and I can take him to the mat! Sort of like Chesty Puller' s comment upon being told that he and his troops were surrounded. Gen.Chesty pipes off; "good we got em right where we want em"! But yup, PTS is gonna be cyclic- count on it. Yet, with the daily walk with our true Pointman- Jesus, we can traverse that "cylcic' valley, and come out unscathed.
I circulated the question of "How you know your better" around the Veteran community this week. The responses were unique. Kind of like an adult version of the old Art Linkletter Show- "Vets say the darndest things"
One dude tells me he knows he is better; "cuz I can wear sandals. I have not worn sandals since I was a surfer. Gotta have my boots on at all times, in case there is 'incoming'. Silly huh? But you know my feet are pretty happy. cuz they have not been in the open air for about 35 years"
Another tells me; " I have really bonded with my dogs. I am not afraid of loosing them. I think I am having an intimacy attack! Maybe that means that I am not 'numb' anymore? Ya think it will transfer to humans? Sh--t then I might even cry"!
Yet another says' "I don''t carry so many bags of crap with me anymore. It was like I was always going out on my last mission and I had to take everything but the kitchen sink with me- especially first aid and knives. I can leave home now with just my fanny pack, and not think I am gonna die"
Does anyone identify with any of this? The boots thing really hit home. I just started wearing sandals this year!

[chapmic]

"....and he is comforted and thou art tormemted" Luke 16:25. Does this not simply refer to memories- just like the triggers of PTS? But read further-- and report back here on your findings.

[Pointman69]

Those who are comfortable have no need for God. The good thing about PTSD is it constantly reminds us that we need God everyday. God uses the worst things for our good - that's gotta piss off our tormentor, the enemy of our soul.

Funny - My wife bought sandles for me over a year ago. I finally started wearing them a few weeks back.

[chapmic]

"what shall we say then? Should we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid....." Saint Paul sure did nail the condition down tight. I agree with you PM69. We need HIM and the graces every day.
Funny on this end too. Because I now own more sandals than I do boots! It will make my boots last longer! And what is even more astounding is that I even go barefooted around the garden. I do not know what I would do if there were "incoming"! I guess I would just get on my PRC25 and call in some A4's, without my boots! Mic

[danausmc]

Those who are comfortable have no need for God. The good thing about PTSD is it constantly reminds us that we need God everyday. God uses the worst things for our good - that's gotta piss off our tormentor, the enemy of our soul.

Funny - My wife bought sandles for me over a year ago. I finally started wearing them a few weeks back.

Well when I was much younger someone told me only girly men wore sandals so its hard to escape that mindset.

Yes that hits home here.....but I'm not rushing out and buying a set either....I have my church sneakers and boots....thats it. Just thought I would throw that in the mix.

[ReconSGT_OIF]

umm... yeah... Well, I still wear my boots. I cant seem to shake them off. Still carry a knife if I can fit it without it being seen. I never really connected the boots to PTSD before, but it makes sense. I just thought i was comfortable with wearing them because ive been wearing them for 8 years. Irratability is a BIG issue for me though. I have service connected PTSD too, mic, if you need me.

[Stickthrower]

You guys really struck some nerves!

Boots, I own five pair of black high top "work" boots and always wear them when leaving my AO. Also have 1st Aid kits in all vehicles & three different sizes of packs that are complete enough for just about any emergency, and I never leave home without one. Even put on a pair of boots tonight to go outside to change the sprinklers. Knives, I have enough that I have either made or bought to open a store and always have at least two on my person at all times. Irritability, I believe I wrote the book on that emotion, at least my bride says so but what does she know. After all she just lives with me 24/7 for the last 14 years.

Humm, maybe I do have a problem with PTSD. Yes, for those who don't know me I was terminated from being a Deputy Sheriff after serving 26 years in Law Enforcement upon returning from 2 1/2 tours of Viet Nam as a grunt. I never discussed any of Viet Nam with anyone for any reason, drank a lot of alcohol to deaden my nerves, always slept with a gun in my hand when I did sleep (but being a police officer no one thinks twice of that), never ever let anyone see any emotion from me but irritability, trusted no one for any reason, nor did I want anyone to respond to violent calls with me so I didn't have to worry about someone else being hurt. Seemed to jump at loud noises, always seemed to be hyper alert at all times, have been married three times, divorced twice, seperated myself from all family and friends, you name the symptom I seemed to have it. And I had never been inside a church since 1969 since I figured God had no use for me or bad things would not happen to me like they seemed to do all the time.

But if asked about PTSD I would have told you that you were crazy! Who me?

Then I began to react to stressful events in an "abnormal" way according to the department shrink after several high stress situations that developed in the period of 6 months, ie: nine arson fires within a 5 mile radius of my home (by the way we did catch the arsonist), having my house shot at twice within a thirty day period, among other things.

Finally I was terminated for failing a "Fitness for duty Evaulation".

Then I began to drink heavily & developed even more major symptoms to include severe depression over a two month period. This all ultimately came to my attempting suicide while drunk on 2/3/05. Fortunately for me as well as my family a close friend and chaplin stopped by to visit me and stopped me from killing myself and devistating my family!

I spent two weeks in the hospital, was diagnosed with Major PTSD and Severe Depression. Upon release I spent four months in therapy. Thank the Lord for that! I have now started facing my problems & PTSD and trying to work to fix me, instead of just blaming someone else for Pi$$ing me off.

I have since given my life to the Lord, have not had a drink since 2/3/05, and thankfully my family still love me!

Every day is a struggle sometimes. But with the Lord's help I am getting better. However, every once in a while I think my PTSD is "cured". About that time Satan seems to start working overtime and I get "irritable".

Like I said, when that happens I get on my knees and pray for forgiveness and help. The Lord has been very merciful to me here lately and I remember to thank Him every day several times! With His help and the help of my brothers here at Pointman I keep up the fight with Satan! But, I have absolute faith in the Lord as during the past six moths He has shown me mercy, forgiveness, and most of all Love!

Thanks to all of the Pointman brothers!

[chapmic]

Yo "Stickthrower", you have been on some "missions" man! Got a ton of Law Enforcement pals- they all say they have PTS 'twice'! It's that adrenaline thing you know. I was a private investigator for 17years- same deal. The rush- the rush. Now the peace is my rush. Too bad I never I knew that this way lasts longer! Nice to have you with us. Sounds like we can have a great dialogue here on the "Boots and Irritability" Hot Line. Almost seems like we could all have our own county song' Boots-Irritability-Knives-Excitement; BIKE. Wanna go for a BIKE ride?
Also nice to see that you have come to the table of the Lord. Like they say; "God answers knee-mail" See you down the path. This one has no booby traps- only cossacks of love and tents of caring.
Paz e Bueno, Mic

[Doc Stadig]

I had to take everything but the kitchen sink with me- especially first aid and knives. I can leave home now with just my fanny pack, and not think I am gonna die"
Does anyone identify with any of this? The boots thing really hit home. I just started wearing sandals this year!
I won't even go to an airport because they want to take my knife away from me, needed one once, and didn't have one so the guy didn't make it. Weird, what we do because of this PTSD stuff.:opps::opps::opps:

[Stickthrower]

Chapmic,

Thanks for the welcome. The Good Lord knows I needed you guys and fortunately through my chaplin friend introduced me to Pointman. Pointman has been a true lifesaver for me. I had the good luck to meet Chuck Dean in person and have signed copies of his books, as well as numerous other Pointman Brothers, of whom all have been will continue to be an inspiration to me.

Now that I am "Retired" from Law Enforcement I have started to open my eyes to the fact that not everyone I meet is a bad person. The Lord has sent numerous Guardian Angels to me when I needed them most. Like I said earlier & Chuck Dean said best "I thought God had went AWOL" while I was in Viet Nam. And was convinced upon my return that He hated me.

I now know that it was me that stopped loving Him. I say Thanks many times each day to the Lord for sending all the Pointmen I have met to me in my time of need, as well as for many local angels!

I know I will never be "cured", but I am much happier than I have ever been in my life. I now sleep at night and not with an AR15 in my hands, no longer get drunk so I can "relax" around family/friends, have quit jumping at every unusual sound, go to Church regularly, no longer live my life hating people, and best of all I am learning to forgive. It is amazing how much better my life is when I stop hating & holding grudges.

I read the Bible a lot and have started trying to live my life by asking myself this question "What would Jesus do" when I need to make a decision or feel myself wavering. And best of all, I am learning to forgive myself, that is the hardest!

I still have my PTSD DAYS, however I am getting better as I no longer will allow myself to get depressed. When I feel it coming on I just find something to do, no matter how hard it is at the time. Many times I just wanted to give up, but I look at my children and think about how much they mean to me! That is a real energizer!

I would just like to say thanks to all my brothers and Welcome Home! You guys have made life possible for me and I will never forget that! I believe that as long as we stick together and watch each others backs we will survive and concure our Demons.

[laughtonll]

What is the number one feeling that a soldier has that gives him a clue there is a problem? Is it rage and anger all the time? Not caring about anything? Wondering how God could allow this crap to happen?

Does it vary greatly from person to person or is there an overall feeling that is common to everyone?

LLL

[danausmc]

What is the number one feeling that a soldier has that gives him a clue there is a problem? Is it rage and anger all the time? Not caring about anything? Wondering how God could allow this crap to happen?

Does it vary greatly from person to person or is there an overall feeling that is common to everyone?

LLL

Glad to see you jump right in here Brother.......
Some tough questions right away for sure and we all struggle with....
Anger....if you read the PTSD threads and the death thread....you will see a common anger right below the surface...
hypervigelance...hyper alert...rituals for everything....no close friends....cold....aloof....seemingly uncaring but caring more about "little" stuff....little kids....cant talk to no one......so what can you do about it?

Is it for life? Can you find relief?
The answer is yes but you just can wave some magic wand or take a pill, but then how can God allow this stuff to happen?

The relief comes with a relationship with Jesus Christ. You can do all kinds of stuff and all kinds of therapy, but that only identifies the problem.

But its hard and if you dont stay on your guard you can slip right back into the same old stuff.

There is a lot to discuss in your post and some guys will think over for a few days what they want to say before they post.....so be patient.
You can e-mail me any time at danausmc@earthlink.net if you have any questions .........

[Stickthrower]

What is the number one feeling that a soldier has that gives him a clue there is a problem? Is it rage and anger all the time? Not caring about anything? Wondering how God could allow this crap to happen?

Does it vary greatly from person to person or is there an overall feeling that is common to everyone?

LLL


Guy,
Like a lot of other Vet's that I talked to I believe Rage & Anger were the two biggest tip offs to having a problem. I would find myself angry for no real reason, would get mad at the kids for extremely minor offenses. However, there are a ton of symptoms that should have been a clue once you start taking a hard honest look at ourselves.

I was hypervigilant, had total distrust of any authority figure, had a lot of rituals, would avoid people when they started to get to close to me, failed marrages/relationships, would drink alcohol just so I could relax near my family/friends or drink alone so I could relax and not have anyone bother me, would have anxiety about changes to my routine or route, and absolutely hated any kind of surprise-even for my own birthday by my wife/kids. Trust me, there are a lot of symptoms we have once we take a hard honest look at ourselves.

If you have any doubts about PTSD, may I make a suggestion. Get a copy of Chuck Dean's book Nam Vet and read it cover to cover without any interruptions if possible. Then think abut how you have been living since leaving combat, then reread the book and see if you start to recognize yourself. Especially read & reread about the symptoms with an open mind! Also go back and read all the older entries on PTSD and see that by no means are you alone!

And most importantly, know that you are not alone, there is help available at no cost, there is relief, there is hope, there is life after combat, and most importantly know that we are here to help you 24/7! You can e-mail me personally or e-mail me and I will give you my phone number and we can talk one-on-one!

We are your Brothers and we will have your back while you are figuring this stuff out.

[chapmic]

So nice to be home again at my favorite site- safe and sound with PTS vets! Could there be a safer place then the one where there are 2 gathered in HIS name? Thanks to whomever fixed the server problem. Maybe PMIM just needed a little R&R! Now back to filling those sandbags. God speed. Mic

[Stickthrower]

Hi Guys,

Just back from a short vacation. Took the family & travel trailer for a four day trip. That was nice, no phone, no interuptions, just fishing & family. It was good to get away and enjoy the wife/kids without timetables & stress.

Then I got reminded of PTSD the strangest way and then it hit hard the things I do to compensate!

We are planning to move to Texas soon as our house sells. Then we will be close to family, new jobs, away from bad memories, etc. We recently bought a 29' Travel trailer to live in while relocating, etc. I also have a big stock trailer to haul all our furniture, etc.

So anyway, my wife has never pulled a trailer before. Our plan was for her to pull the travel trailer with her truck and I will pull the heavier load in the stock trailer.

On the way back she decided to try pulling the trailer for a while to get the feel of it as we were on a long stretch of state highway with little traffic & towns etc. No problem.

Like to have drove me crazy! She is a good driver and I was like a mother-in-law back seat driver!!! She did nothing wrong mind you, as a matter of fact she did wonderful considering I was giving her directions. To her credit she did not throw me out of the truck-just told me to shut up as I was making her nervous.

At first I was mad, then I thought about it for awhile and realized why I was upset/nervous/mad. I was not in control of the situation. I had been out in public for four days and three nights away from my AO in a public campground that had lots of people moving in/out at all hours of the day & night. Where we camped on a small lake at a resort was very near an Air Force Base therefor there were planes taking off/landing frequently and just before we packed up and left a small flight of fast movers came through at almost tree top level. Then it hit me. I had gone back to Nam again and my family was being put at risk.

Now I understand why I would never let anyone else drive my family anywhere for any reason. I always drive the family where ever we are going. The only time I ever let anyone drive me was when I could not prevent it and it made me a nervous wreck.

It is amazing the little things we do that we are unaware of the PTSD reasons behind our "routines" and "little quirks". I challenge each of you to think back about an incident that upset you and particularly look at the whole surrounding incident and not just what mad you angry/upset.
It was an eye opener and gave me plenty of food for thought. I ended up staying up all last night thinking of the things that triggers PTSD for me that I had never thought about or noticed before when I was upset with the family.

[Don Dodson]

Frank: we will pray that the move to Texas goes well for you and your family. I, too, am surprised sometimes when I think I am "over" being triggered and thump, something drops in and I am mentally hunkered down, again. Then I feel crumby that I let go of God's hand momentarily and slipped back into "my" protection rather than His.

Don "Oboeman" Dodson

[Stickthrower]

Don,
Your right about thinking "we're over being triggered" is when boom it happens. It just surprised me as I had for once seemed to be having a good time with the family relaxing and never even noticed (so I thought) the little "triggers" going off. Thats why it hit me so hard over my wife driving. I had never thought about it, I just always drove as my wife really doesn't like to drive and it is just one of those things that I drive us everywhere.

I was amazing seeing the changes I went through in about a one hour time frame. I mentioned it to my wife later and we discussed it. She said she had not thought about it either, I just always drove and that was the way it was. She noticed the aircraft when my son mentioned the planes and I was telling him about the aircraft and what they were used for. She noticed I seemed to tighten up when the fighters came through but didn't think anything about it at the time as we were busy packing up the trailer. Then while driving the truck with the trailer she noticed I seemed "up tight" and didn't know what was wrong. After I mentioned it to her then she thought back about the incident and said the minute the planes came down close I went into "stress mode" immediately for about 30 seconds then "relaxed" and she thought it was over with and I had it under control. At the time she just thought my son "helping" me get the trailer ready was the issue.

Goes to show that even our spouses have developed the idea "that's just the way he is and he caught himself-It's ok now" without realizing we are going into overdrive just as much as we sometimes don't realize it.

I have been doing alot of thinking about triggers and how it causes me to react. This is scary ground for me. Admitting that I will always have PTSD that I can't control is terrifying to me.

I guess I just need to spend more time on my knees talking to God and letting him keep control of me. He does a much better job anyway.

Best to you and yours, and thanks I needed someone to talk to. Since the Post closed I have no one else other than the site to run things past.

[danausmc]

Frank,
You are so right that just when you think you are past getting set off by some trigger BOOM there it is. It might just be something said and not even require some "event".

Where do you plan to move to in Texas? It sure will be a big change in environment. I'm sure it will all work out for you and your family.

[Stickthrower]

Dana,
I'm not sure exactly where we are going to settle yet. I have family in the Dallas/Fort Worth area as well as in the Hill Country, actually all over TX. I hope to settle in Palo Pinto County as that is where I grew up and it is still a semi rural area. I am really looking forward to the move, so are the wife & kids. My son asks me daily when are we going to move.

Best to you and yours,:dancing:

[Stickthrower]

I just wanted to say Thank You to all who come on line. Here lately I have been going through a real "PTSD DAYS AND NIGHTS" period. I feel so alone, as most of my "friends" no longer come by, etc. The only friends I have are you guys, which is fine with me as you are the only true friends I ever had to begin with. If we don't cover each other, no one will.

I feel so thankful for Pointman & the church. Without God & brothers, there is nothing. I sometimes get down and then I remind myself- If I had not reached the end of my rope, I would not have been as close to God as I now am! Without Him, I am nothing! It is amazing what having a relationship with Him can do for your attitude!

The most important thing I remind myself of daily is this, "My old friends who never come around were never true friends to begin with!" My real friends are the ones who carried me when I could not see them, who were there for me when I did not look for them, who in reality were the only ones covering my back to begin with, who really are my true brothers and father!

God Bless all of you, for together we will overcome with the help of the Lord!:dancing:

[Reconvic]

I was born in NYC lower East side in 1949, the only child and had the best of parents.
I am now dying from Hep.C from the transfusions in the Nam. I ask my self what was kind of person I am.
I was a guitarist and played with many known stars prior to them making it big, Billy Joel, Blue Oyster Cult. I was in the Corps by 17, MOS 0311 I couldn’t go to Nam till I was 18 so I tried for Recon and made it 0321. A proud Marine for sure. When I hit Nam I maybe saw 2 weeks without firefights the entire tour. Now I am still proud was married for 34 years and raised 3 kids and have four grandkids. I see the world changed so much I am not sure I really want any more change; the best part of my life is gone. The NVA I killed was my age or younger and I ask myself why? We are killing ourselves here with gangs, drugs, do we need a war still. I support all our troops because we follow orders that someone safe behind a desk says to do. I can say the VA is trying to help, but the Vets overwhelm the time we need to see them. What has these was Wars changed I guess
Really nothing more then, just a way to keep the population down it seems to me. War is no go for any one.
After all the wars we have had, did we really ever learn anything, or is it all the same just a different enemy. In many ways I am glad I won’t see much more of the future, there is
Not a happy world anymore. Even music changed. The Beatles played songs of love, now the rappers sing of rape, killing. I hope God helps us all
Amen.

[Stickthrower]

RECONVIC,
I'm with you brother. The world has definately changed for the worse. I remember songs of love as you do, now I don't even understand most of the words, but the ones I do are words of hate.

There are no good wars for soldiers, sailors, or marines. I once heard a statement "NO ONE HATES WAR AS MUCH AS THE SOLDIER, FOR HE IS THE ONE DOING ALL THE DYING!" That pretty much says it all. We are forever fighting for something that is usually just more lies. And they wonder why one of the main symptoms of PTSD is distrust of Authority Figures?

Keep it together Brother, we are here for you just as you are here for me. And the most important thing is God is always there for us. All we have to do is call him our Father!

Take care, send me a PM sometime with your number and we can talk.

[Don Dodson]

Haven't been here very much lately. Glad to see you both, ReconVic and Frank!

It does seem that the world is going to H E doubble L. Our Lord reminded us that until He comes back for us, this is the way it will be going. I take comfort in the fact that He IS going to come back at His good time, and if we check out prior to that, He sends His Angels as the Honor Guard to escort the Believers Home. Someone said it is like knowing how the game is going to turn out, and our side IS going to win; our job is to make each of our few moments count with those around us.

I begin to feel a little PTSD-ish when there are big events like 9-1-1, tsumanis and hurricanes. I think for me it brings back that feeling of not being able to control the circumstances around me. Maybe it is kind of like surfing (although I've actually never tried it and lived in San Diego most of my life): the surfer is totally dependent on the action of the wave and his/her skill in predicting which wave and where in the wave the best ride will happen. If the surfer depends totally on his/her skills (e.g. control) maybe the best ride will be missed, when you are carried farther in on a bigger than the average wave. In other words, when things around us seem to be collapsing, that is exactly the time we must remind ourselves it IS God's world, HE IS in command and control, even when the worst of the worst is happening around us, He will never leave us nor forsake us.

By the way, each time a natural disaster occurs I see it as a reminder that God has created a world that has its own rythmn and power; actually His power set in motion on our little borrowed space ship earth. Whenever humans begin to think they are in control and have tamed that natural God-started energy, whoosh: "Wake up little ones." Our prayers for those caught in Katrina's furry and aftermath.

Hope you've gotten some good rest this Labor Day.

Don "Oboeman" Dodson

[Stickthrower]

Good to hear from you Don. I was beginning to think you and just about everyone else was on vacation. Hasn't been much here lately.

Things are starting to look up for me, thanks to the Lord. I'm feeling much better and seem to be handling things a lot better. I have been getting out alot here lately & working on the home to get it sold. So all in all, I have been having a great day.
My prayers to you and yours,
Frank

[chapmic]

Hello mi amigo's. Hope all of you had a thoughtful and peaceful Labor Day. Yeah,that control thing is a bear Don. Sometimes it is like trying to turn around a water-buffalo-fast! Can't be done right? Unless of course I drop a mortar rouund next to him! Seriously, the control issues are like intellectual mosquitoes- I swat them and they come back for more. Three times this last week, I swore I needed to "land on the shores" like a good Marine and control things. I am learnin' to "let go let God"--- but surely he needs some ammo right? Like my daughters Lanlord who will not return her deposit and the place she rented could have passed an IG Inspection. My daughter is smart, assertive and capable. Do I really need to surround the Landlords house to get the money back? Of course not- but I feel that way. It seems like we are dyed in the wool "justice and freedom fighters" for life. We just sometimes get that mixed up with survival. Kind of like that wearing of sandals thing. If I wear sandals then I am not in 'control' eh? Silly ain't it?
You know Don, I actually was a surfer. Lived in Mission Beach before joining the Corps. My roomates name was Mike Dodson! Even though the East Coast guys used to call us "Hollywood Marines" I still think that surfing taught me how to adapt swiftly to the power of nature. We all had a great deal of respect for the Ocean and its unpredictability. In my PTS moments I learn to adapt to the "triggers" of PTS like I did the waves at Torrey Pines. It helps.
Heh, Frank I sent you an email. Hope you can help me with some muzzleloader questions. I am going Elk Hunting in November. That helps too!
And RECONVIC, I will be calling you tomorrow. We have a Veterans PTS Retreat coming up in February 06' at the Franciscan Retreat Center in Scottsdale. All of you are welcome. If interested I will send the info. Good night Warriors. Keep the Galaxy safe. Mic

[danausmc]

Good to hear from you Don. I was beginning to think you and just about everyone else was on vacation. Hasn't been much here lately.

Things are starting to look up for me, thanks to the Lord. I'm feeling much better and seem to be handling things a lot better. I have been getting out alot here lately & working on the home to get it sold. So all in all, I have been having a great day.
My prayers to you and yours,
Frank

Hey Frank, glad to see you guys holding down the fort here.
How is the sale of the house going and the move? there are some real good Pointman folks in Texas so you wont be alone. I know its a big place but there is someone close by Im sure.
Dana

[Stickthrower]

Dana,
Things are moving along here. I have gotten most everything done here that can be done until the house is sold. We will leave here just as soon as it closes, believe me! We have bought a 29' 5TH wheel travel trailer to live in while moving and relocating, at least we will not be without a home. It may be a little cramped for a family of four, but I have lived in worse conditions. At least we will be together. We have had lookers but no buyers so far. Have just listed it with a Real Estate Agency as we had been trying to sell it ourselves and was just not getting the media attention we wanted and could afford. Hopefully this will get it sold sooner.

Finally got my retirement out of the State, and that took a big load of stress off. Also my lawsuit over the truck that has been going on for a year has just been settled and I should have the vehicle back in a week or so. Still have heard nothing positive out of the VA yet, but I'm not worried as of yet. I know how they drag their feet and I'm not hurting right now. Maybe later, but for now I'm doing great.

Church has been great here lately. My relationship with the Lord has been of real comfort to me. It has been a long hard journey and I still have a long way to go, but that's ok, I have a great Father walking with me as well as some of the best Pointmen in the world on my side! I am feeling alot better and learning more each day about how to accept the PTSD and not let it be in complete control of me. It is a battle I will always have the same as the rest of my brothers and sisters, but together we will overcome.

Wherever I land I will find a Pointman Outpost and continue the battle!

Chapmic,
Got your e-mail about hunting & sent you a long letter. Feel free to call me with any other questions! Glad to hear things are going your way.
God Bless All :dancing: :dancing:

[Reconvic]

I am back from taking care of my mother in Vegas. I helped her move in a new apartment and helped her unpack. I did lose $1400.00 when she went to sleep:(. My head is screwed on better when I left. Been having many a nightmares of Nam again and don't know why? Mic I never received your call
but if your ever up here again we will touch base. I pray for you all and the horror of Kitrina, America will stand tall. Gas prices in PHX.3.19 for regular.
Semper Fi and God Bless Vic

[Stickthrower]

Where do I begin?

Lets just say that PTSD slipped up and blindsided me! For the last couple of months things seemed to be finally working out for my family and I. Then things slowed down as we have not got the house sold yet, and we were starting to stress over finances since we are starting to panic about the house not selling. One thing led to another and the wife and I started to fight over the little things, etc. The kids are being a real pain, especially my 13 yo daughter.

My wife was stressing over her own medical problems, let alone mine, and became very irritable, to say the least.

I became depressed again without picking up on triggers/symptoms and began to get angry at my wife over the kids and BS.

Tempers on both sides finally flared on Wednesday night over our daughter being a snot (you know how a 13 yr girl will play parents). Words were exchanged, my wife gave me an ultamadeum of either her or the kids and I chose the kids, and we went without speaking until Friday night.

On Friday night my wife pushed my buttons and you can bet I pushed hers. After two hours of arguing and disagreement it ended with me saying it was over between us!

On Saturday night we were able to talk without yelling and both of us got some of the things said that needed to be said. We were both able to see things through the other persons eyes for a change. It ended so so.

On Sunday my wife did some research on PTSD and found an article written by a Patience H. C. Mason, who is married to a 1966 Viet Nam Vet. My wife began to see herself and her actions/reactions to my PTSD. From what she told me it was frightening to see herself in print, and finally come to an understanding of how it affects the family as a whole. It gave her a new understanding of me, especially hearing it from a spouse that was able to describe her exact feelings/reactions to me/attempts to "help" me, etc.

I did some soul searching, lots of praying, and mostly playing back the past couple of months. I then realized I/We had slipped back into our old "routine" without being aware of it. I had reverted right back to my old self and was defying authority/being angry/getting deeply depressed, and decided to do what comes natural to us. When someone trys to get to close to me, cut and run! I was going to leave my wife because I had let PTSD slip right up on me.

Well thank the Lord for my wife not just saying "Fine, leave me" and instead doing a little homework on her own. Fortunately for me she found Mason's article and recognized herself and how she was responding to me and how I was reacting to her pressure.

Things are now looking better! I am going to stay with my wife, we both appoligized to each other, we now had a look at each other through the others eyes, and we are now back to working on putting our life back together!

Thank The Lord!!!

Please put us both in your prayers to have the Lord lend us a supporting hand when we need it. May God be with you all!

PS: I highly recommend reading the article on the internet "HOW DOES PTSD AFFECT FAMILIES" by Patience H.C. Mason.

[Don Dodson]

Frank:

What a great tip to find Patience H. C. Mason! Here is the link I Googled: http://www.woundedinaction.org/articlehowdoesptsdaffect.htm

I become more convinced that PTSD is the ultimate ambush event. When something begins to rock the boat of life, those of us with it immediately start jumping overboard! "Cut & run." For you it is the uncertainty of your finances with the delay in the house sale. For me, as you know, it was last Saturday's crash. My loving wife is caring for me and I'm sniping at her ... what s stupid thing to do to the ones who love us!!! I am trying to remember how at peace I felt hanging upside down in my truck cab, unable to get out and fearing post-crash fire. I called out to God to keep me safe, and He did. I remember the time when Jesus was with his Disciples crossing the Sea of Galilee and a fierce storm came up. He was asleep (or so the Gospel writer relates it ... God never sleeps) and the Disciples were becoming frantic, still not realizing Who was with them. When they woke Him up to tell him they were all dying He calmed the storm and reminded them He was in control ... not them, not us. So it is with PTSD. We let the noisy storm tip us over, trigger our panic and forget: GOD IS IN CHARGE, and God is Love.

Oh Abba Father, calm the storm surrounding Frank and his family, help their 13 yr old see her opportunity to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem; may they know You are present here and now in whatever situation we find our selves. We pray in Your Holy Name. Amen

Don "Oboeman" Dodson:angel_fly

[Stickthrower]

Don,
Thanks for the prayers brother! Lord knows right now that I need them. Things have been a little better & I take each day as it comes. We actually got a contingency contract on the house Friday. If the buyer sells their home-they buy ours. I'm praying for sure.

Now I'm trying to find work to help get our finances in order, but no one seems to be hiring. You know how it is in a small community. I know most of the people in the valley & they know my history and have heard lots of rumors. Everyone seems to be turning their back for their own personal reasons. Oh well, you know how that goes as does all our other brothers & sisters.

But most importantly, I still have faith in the Lord. He will provide on his timeline, not mine. I just need to spend more time on my knees and learn some patience.:dancing: