wrbones
01-10-2004, 03:24 AM
I hate 'em. Can't sleep, or worse, don't even wanta try to go to sleep until I can't keep my eyes open anymore.
Can't track on conversations. Concentration's shot all to hell. Never get things said the way I wanta say 'em...my mind is always somewhere else. People talk to me, all I can do is stare. I don't really hear what they say anyway.
Haven't had the really bad nightmares in a long time. Thank God for small favours. Wakin' up screamin', heart poundin', outta breath, and with sheets so soaked with sweat you can wring them out ain't no fun at all to speak of.
A good night's sleep is a cause for celebration and braggin'. Seems to be few and far between, nights like that.
Every night, I still see Marines and helos...and I keep tryin' to do my job durin' those 'dreams' without much success... Dreams where someone's always tryin' to get themselves kilt or gettin' kilt...and no one around to help ya keep 'em from doin' it... Ain't nuthin' ya can do but watch it happen. over. and over and over... Dreams where ya pick up body parts without end it seems like... and always, "Is this John's leg?" "No, I got John's leg over here."
I try to put somethin' else in my mind just before I fall asleep, sometimes with more success than others...
People try to talk to me...if they don't keep it just real simple, I can get confused and lose my temper real damn quick like...or do my best to ignore them 'cause I can't track on anything that they're tryin' to say.
The last twenty four hours have been that way for me.
Some days are worse than others. The really bad ones I call "PTSD Days".
The days when I know from experience that sleepin' ain't a real good idea til things let up or I can't keep my eyes open anymore...
I hate PTSD days...
I don't get them as much anymore...not as bad as they used to be anyway...but I still get them...
There was a time when everyday was real bad "PTSD Day". Every day is still a PTSD Day, but not every day is a bad one. Thank God.
**** it. I'm postin' it anyway. Lord have mercy...
Can't track on conversations. Concentration's shot all to hell. Never get things said the way I wanta say 'em...my mind is always somewhere else. People talk to me, all I can do is stare. I don't really hear what they say anyway.
Haven't had the really bad nightmares in a long time. Thank God for small favours. Wakin' up screamin', heart poundin', outta breath, and with sheets so soaked with sweat you can wring them out ain't no fun at all to speak of.
A good night's sleep is a cause for celebration and braggin'. Seems to be few and far between, nights like that.
Every night, I still see Marines and helos...and I keep tryin' to do my job durin' those 'dreams' without much success... Dreams where someone's always tryin' to get themselves kilt or gettin' kilt...and no one around to help ya keep 'em from doin' it... Ain't nuthin' ya can do but watch it happen. over. and over and over... Dreams where ya pick up body parts without end it seems like... and always, "Is this John's leg?" "No, I got John's leg over here."
I try to put somethin' else in my mind just before I fall asleep, sometimes with more success than others...
People try to talk to me...if they don't keep it just real simple, I can get confused and lose my temper real damn quick like...or do my best to ignore them 'cause I can't track on anything that they're tryin' to say.
The last twenty four hours have been that way for me.
Some days are worse than others. The really bad ones I call "PTSD Days".
The days when I know from experience that sleepin' ain't a real good idea til things let up or I can't keep my eyes open anymore...
I hate PTSD days...
I don't get them as much anymore...not as bad as they used to be anyway...but I still get them...
There was a time when everyday was real bad "PTSD Day". Every day is still a PTSD Day, but not every day is a bad one. Thank God.
**** it. I'm postin' it anyway. Lord have mercy...